"Back From The Dead:" Ian McCormack's story

Abby, Alex and I went to hear Ian McCormack tell his story last night, at a bar in Gloucester. It is not the kind of story you hear every day, so I thought I would give a quick telling of it here, and if you want to read it in more detail, there is a website:

http://www.aglimpseofeternity.org/

When Ian was 26, he was scuba diving in Mauritius, and was stung by five box jelly fish. One of the local boys he was with brought him to the beach in a dingy but left him there and went to get others out of the water. He felt the poison seeping through him, but managed to stand up and approach some local taxi drivers to ask for a lift to hospital. When they heard he didn't have any money on him, they all left him. But as he begged for help, one of them gave him a ride, but only as far as his hotel where he dumped him out, literally lifting his now paralysed feet out of the taxi. The Chinese owners of the hotel refused to take him in their own car to the hospital as they could see he was dying, and it would bring bad luck on them if he died in their car. One of the employees phoned for an ambulance though.

Eventually the ambulance came, and as Ian was on the way to the hospital, he saw his life being kind of projected on the inside of the taxi, and then as he knew he was about to die, he remembered his Christian mother's words to him years ago, when he told her he had rejected her faith. She had said, "Wherever you are, however far away you go, if you call out to God from your heart, he will hear you." So Ian tried saying the only prayer he knew, the Lord's prayer - and he heard what he took to be God's voice, saying, but do you want to be forgiven, and then, do you forgive the people who have hurt you? Ian thought about all the people who had left him to die in the course of the previous hours, and struggled, but, he did ask God for forgiveness and to save him.

Later, in the hospital, he finally gave up the struggle to stay awake, and as he closed his eyes, he immediately found himself standing in pitch darkness. He heard angry voices telling him he was in hell and deserved to be there - but then he saw a ray of light which kind of beamed him up, through a tunnel, into a place of bright light. The light was emanating from a figure, who Ian realised was Jesus. When he was describing this part, he was quite overwhelmed still, even though it happened about thirty years ago. He described how waves of peace, comfort, and acceptance came from the figure. Some words were exchanged and finally he asked Ian if he wanted to stay, or go back. Ian said he wanted to stay, but, he then he thought of his mother, and so wanted to let her know that he had met Jesus and found faith, that he decided instead he would say "Go back." Jesus told him to tilt his head and he would be back in his body.

Ian said that he came to and found himself lying on the slab in the morgue, with a doctor pricking his toe with a needle!  When his eyes opened, the doctor jumped a mile, and the nurses who were by the door ran away up the corridor!

Well, that is his story. I think near death experiences are fascinating. I know they are controversial. But they always seem to have some features in common, and, they always seem to result in faith and comfort for the receiver of the experience. Ian said he has absolutely no fear of dying now, and, as I think about it, I think it gives me more courage as well about death. He said that heaven looked just like a beautiful version of earth, with fields and trees and a clear flowing river.

Certainly something to think about...

One Thousand Gifts

If you ever look at the Shelfari graphic over on the right and down a bit, you might have noticed that a book has been sitting there for ages: One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.

I am finally reading it, and I am so glad I am.

A while ago I asked a Christian friend how to avoid allowing my emotions to be battered around by my circumstances. Her answer, which sounded a bit too simple at the time, was, be thankful. Be thankful to God for the good things.

In this book, Ann Voskamp asks the questions, How can we live fully in the now, in the present, whatever the circumstances? How can we live fully in the life we have been given, rather than wishing for  other things? How can we live fully so that we are fully ready to die? These are good questions. She lost her sister in a horrible accident, and lived for years with some depression, and shares her experience of learning to live fully even with the grief and memories.

She writes how she discovered that the Greek word eucharisteo (thanks) has at its roots two related words, charis which is grace or gift, and chara which is joy. Thankfulness comes from accepting the gifts, and it gives joy. Sounds so simple.

I am still in the first few chapters, - but I thought I would share the idea she was given, which led to a deep change in her state of mind: someone challenged her to write a list of a thousand things she loves.
I have immediately decided to do the same. She says just writing the list made her happy. She wrote a few things a day. I don't yet know how long it took her, whether she finished it, or anything else, because I have only just got to this part. But I love the idea.

I'll tell you how I get on.

Uganda Partners

A few days ago the Uganda Partners UK, for whom Dan has been working one day a week this past year, met again at Graham and Fiona Carrs' home near Oxford, and I was voted in as a trustee! So exciting! But one of the first proposals was that every trustee should aim to raise two thousand pounds and my heart sank... - you mean I have to do fund-raising?? But fortunately that idea got nixed pretty quickly - phew! Well of course the idea is to do some fund-raising... and I really will... but a hard and fast goal like that was just a bit scary (pathetic I know.)

The first newsletter to be emailed out to our database of supporters has been written by Dan (blood sweat and tears...), and after it has been circulated around the trustees, I will post a copy on here.
There is also a website for the Uganda Partners UK, and this is the link to it:

http://www.ugandapartners-uk.org

It looks great, but it is not quite finished yet I believe. But you can check it out if you are interested.

This is the current group of trustees, minus Tudor Griffiths who could not make it to this meeting.
The other new member is Julius Mucunguzi, a Ugandan who now lives in the UK and is the Communications Officer for the Commonwealth Secretariat, and a great guy. We are so happy to have him and his expertise on board.

l to r, Julius Mucunguzi, Roger Marsden, Chris Dobson, Graham Carr, Me, Dan

One plan already being worked on is to have a parallel centenary celebration event in Oxford on June 1st next year.

Whilst I feel more and more settled here in Gloucester, it also feels good to have a real connection with UCU and to feel we are still involved even in a small way. Recently I have reconnected with a couple of university friends, and got to know someone who was in Zambia at the neighbouring mission station to ours at the same time as me, and with my same mission (AEF), so we knew all kinds of friends in common - so I feel as though the threads from my former lives keep multiplying. I suppose the key is not to feel pulled in different directions by those threads, but to enjoy the sense of being in a tapestry which is still being sewn, growing and becoming fuller and richer, as it all interweaves over and over.

Beginnings...

This is a day of new beginnings... today was the barbeque for new students at Redcliffe College. (Old students and all staff and anyone else pretty much - and their dog (!) - were there too.)

So Dan is about to start his teaching life at Redcliffe, kicking off with a course on Christ and the Transformation of the Human Condition (or something like that)... Also Introducing Applied Theology in Global Perspective. And Biblical Interpretation in Intercultural Contexts.

We have already got to know most of the staff, a very friendly bunch, almost all with a missions background.

Today we met some of the new students - several Dutch people, a German lady, a Ugandan we already knew from last year, a girl from California, a few Brits - there are also Polish, Brazilian, Spanish, and many other students - a great mix. Although I won't be teaching there  at present, I am going to help Dan with his student group (community group), which will meet at our place, so I look forward to getting to know some of them.

Dan's new office:

Meeting students at the barbeque (there are some of the lecturers' kids in this picture - the students here are mainly in their twenties and thirties!) :

Some of our new colleagues: l to r, Dave Fisher (worked in Tanzania with Tracy and their children), Christine Memory (worked in Spain with Jim and their children), Carol Kingston-Smith (worked in Bolivia with Andy and their children):

Some other pics of the college:

Dan's office is top right - up in the attic!

This is his view. The building there is the accommodation block.

Looking ahead to winter...

Today it was 26 degrees! One of the hottest days of the summer!

But I popped into a charity shop anyway and tried on a chunky beige cardigan... which didn't look too good, so I didn't buy it.

But the fact is, my thoughts have begun to turn to winter, and in particular, how to stay warm this winter... Because I am determined not to be cold this winter, whatever it takes.

Several things have informed the realisation that it is all about the clothes. One is Alex's school which runs something called Forest School, an outdoor education programme where once a week they play around in a kind of swamp, making things, even in the wettest coldest winter weather. One of the mottoes of Forest School is, "There is no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing." Hmm.

Another thing is, that I have been googling around the question, "How long does it take to adjust to a colder climate?" And all I can find is a raft of people's comments giving other people advice about adjusting, and it is ALL about the clothing.

From my experience last winter, this would be my advice to someone moving back to a cold winter after living in a hot place:

You need a good warm hat - we all know that heat goes out through the head.

You definitely need a good warm windproof coat - heat seeps out through all other clothing.

You need seriously good warm boots - heat goes out like anything through the soles of the feet.

You need leg warmers or longjohns because heat escapes like crazy through the ankles.

You need a woolly scarf, not a cotton one, because heat really does escape from the neck no matter what else you are wearing.

Oh, and gloves.

All these things are available in charity shops and are starting to appear there already- but wool does get moggy and pillated, so I plan to be choosy, and may splash out on some new things. In any case, this winter apparently I am just going to look like a heap of wool and blankets.

This mental preparation was partly triggered by a couple we recently met, who have returned from living abroad, and were cold even though it was a pretty warm sunny August day. So we talked about how long it actually takes the body to acclimatise to a cooler or hotter climate. They had read somewhere that it takes roughly three months for a new climate to feel "OK" as in, I can manage this, and it takes three years for a new climate to feel normal. Which means, I have a few more years to go...
(And we aren't even in Minnesota - this is temperate England!)

This was me last winter with Dan and a friend Pauline, who used to live and work in Tanzania. I was very cold that day... but still smiling I guess.

Woman Returner

I just found out that this is a term for women who go "back to work" after taking several years "off"  during the baby and young children phase. There is so much that could be said about that statement... But my point is about the returning - to the formal workplace, shall we say.

Last November I started working as the librarian at WTC (Westminster Theological Centre) - which runs theology courses, taught in teaching centres dotted all over the UK.

In the beginning I had a lot to learn, since much of the job is computer-based, using Excel and an on-line cataloging system which I did not know before. And it was the first time I have ever worked in an office situation for any length of time. I have done some temp-ing jobs in offices before, which were always different and interesting in their own ways, but only for a few days so I didn't have to invest myself in them really at all. (But I have some funny stories from those jobs though...)

So this has been a whole new experience for me. In one way I wasn't exactly a "Woman Returner" because I had been teaching a bit and ordering books and helping run a library in Uganda, so I wasn't purely the at-home Mum. But, there is a big shock for the returning "missionary wife" who I believe comes into a category all of her own.

All my life in Africa I viewed myself as the missionary, not the missionary wife. I went out to Zambia to work full time, and even when I had babies, after maternity leave I worked full time because childcare was so affordable, lovely, and so do-able in that my babies and "Amai" came with me to work.

But when we were in Uganda with slightly older children, and I was trying to do an hour-long school trip, drive home and lecture, as well as everything else I was involved with, I reached a point of extreme tiredness, irritability, and disaffection with Uganda and mission - and I came down with shingles, and finally I decided I had to stop working for a while. I took a few terms off teaching, lived the ex-pat life a bit, had coffee with other school mums in town, took up art classes, and then did a writing course, and life became more manageable. Especially when other families joined in the school commute, and basically saved my bacon!

Then after a while I did begin to go back to teaching, but I kept it quite minimal, one course per semester, and I still hosted a women's students' group and helped with the Children's Library, so I was making various contributions, but not pushing myself. And that was how I finished out my time in Uganda.

With the Daycare children (including Mary Bartels), at the UCU Children's Library

How much a missionary wife with young children and a long school commute should also work, is a question many of us have tried to sort out. You are there because you want to help, you have been called to help, and you are being supported by people back home to help - who might even have expectations of you - but you also have to not burn out, (which I think I nearly did),  and you also have your unavoidable and overarching role of caring for your children and your husband, who might also be pushing himself to burn-out point in some cases.

And just being a mum of small children in a developing country which is not originally your home, with no grandparents or aunties around, (only adopted ones, which are also great...), is stretching and draining at times.

So, we all make our own choices and hopefully find sustainable ways of doing the work we feel we are supposed to do while also surviving and even, enjoying! the life we have been given in Africa.

If you are reading this and you are not a missionary (a what?!!) and are not in Uganda or elsewhere because of the peculiar belief that we are there to do stuff to "help," to play a part in showing God's love for people and the world, which is what took me to Africa in the first place, - then you will think we have our knickers in a twist probably, but, you will most likely have your version of the dilemma of working and being a mum - and we all see a need to contribute anyway don't we? and to be busy and to be useful, competent people and not just loll about at home (tempting though that is...) So, I'm sure you get it.

Anyway, the point is, that then when you return to "normal" paid employment in your home country, suddenly everything is very different. For one thing, you are being paid for your time and work, to do a job which has to be done, and therefore you have to achieve what you are being paid to achieve. It is no longer a case of, whatever I do will be useful, and appreciated. Not that what you do matters more, or less actually, but, it is simply being expected of you, and you have to be able to do it - so that's quite a different kind of pressure.

Secondly, if you have been out of the developed world for quite a while, or if you have been outside of a technological environment, you will find that everything has changed and so there is a lot to learn, and people will expect rapid responses to emails, appearance right on time at work, all kinds of techie skills, and there are no excuses like, the power is off, or the internet is off, or, we had visitors. (Not that I would have ever used those as excuses...!)

Thirdly, and crucially, you do not get people saying "Well done for the work!" or "Thank you for the love!" at various points in your day.

Fourthly, there are a lot less public holidays.

I am so fortunate that I work with really lovely people who are supportive, kind, and friendly. But I joined this company at a time when it was moving offices, and going through changes, and everyone was quite preoccupied with all of that. And I had to desk hop for about two months, which didn't help. And I was at the peak of my stress and anxiety about everything. So, it was a pretty rough two or three months, I would say, where although I was so thankful to have this job and loved the people there, I also found it very stressful for quite a while. But it is great now.

So, this is meant to be a word of encouragement to the "Returnee Returner" - going back to the workplace is a bit rough at first, - expect it to be - , but keep going, don't panic, trust in your past capabilities and in the abilities you know God has given you, pray!, and it will all be OK in the end!