Twenty Years On (well, nearly)

On Saturday we made a two and a half hour trek back to All Nations Christian College - where Dan and I met in January 1996. Some of our fellow-students had organised a reunion for students who were there between 1994 and 1996.

All Nations is "the other" missionary training college in England (Redcliffe being the other "other".) I went there after two years in Zambia, to do an MA in Missiology. Dan came over for one term as a sort of semester abroad, whilst he was studying at CIU in South Carolina. 

At first on Saturday as I walked into the buzzing hall I felt detached, then overwhelmed as individuals loomed out of the crowd and back into my consciousness - names had to be checked on name-badges - adjustments made for aging, and huge great teenage kids beside now-mums-and-dads - but once those barriers had been crossed, it was amazing. 

The men had changed more than the women. Men actually change shape as they age - their necks and jaws widen, and their hairline changes (some more than others). Women simply fill out a little bit, maybe go grey, but usually cover that up, and generally get more beautiful. We all had changed since 1996 - we all had wrinkles and weight which we did not have back then, and we all had a burden of experiences, both great ones and hard ones. One lovely thing was that several of the tutors were there, all having left the college in the intervening years -so it was really touching and fun that they came as well. Our principal of that time, Chris Wright, and his wife Lizzie were there, seeming exactly the same, and Chris gave us a great and relevant talk from Deuteronomy (a book he taught a much-loved course on whilst we were there as students.) 

We had about two hours of sharing our stories and showing a few slides. It was uplifting and, honestly, exciting to hear of all the work that has been done, in countries across the globe, by the All Nations class of 1994. Most of us had been overseas for almost all the years since then, and a few are still working abroad, and happened to be home on leave so were able to come. Just a few have mainly been in Christian work in this country rather than overseas. Sadly four of our number had died, three to illness, but one, Dave Roberts had been murdered as he was intervening in a robbery. We remembered them and prayed for their families.

It felt so normal to be together again once the initial strangeness had thawed. It felt wonderful to see the teenage kids playing together - like a family reunion. It was gratifying and I felt proud (in a good way I think) of all the years of kingdom work that have been done since we were students together in 1996. And grateful to God for all these dedicated, kind, fun people. 

I also felt greatly encouraged in our work at Redcliffe, which is so similar - that our students will likewise be going on to dedicate their lives to God's work in various forms, and that in twenty years time they might get together and reminisce, and be glad. 

Technology and mission

This Thursday a guest lecturer, Mike Frith, came in to speak to the Thrive class about "The impact of technology on mission."

Technology has changed mission so much, from my own experience, in the twenty two years since I first went out as a short-termer. For one thing, then when I went as a 25yr old to a very rural corner of Zambia, there was no email, and we had only landline phones - except that the copper lines were regularly dug up and stolen, so in fact, we rarely had the use of the phone. Communication with family back in England was via letters, which took three weeks to arrive. The post office was a tiny concrete block hut with peeling blue paint. I used to drive there about once a week on my trailbike and collect two huge bagfuls of mail for the whole mission station, hoping that a few things would be for me. I remember the day when an American missio arrived with a laptop, and opened it up beside the swimming pool, and asked me if I wanted to send an "E-mail." 

The other side of the coin was that when I left Zambia after two years there, I didn't expect to ever see or hear from most people there again. (I was so lucky to be able to make a visit back there though, when we later lived in Zimbabwe - which was amazing.) I exchanged hand-written letters with a few people, which eventually dropped off. But now, after working in Zimbabwe for five years and then Uganda for eight, I have facebook friends from all three African countries, I message with some former students frequently on facebook, I hear from them by email - my connection has continued to grow with more and more people. It's really a joy. But, it could get out of hand!

Mike raised with the students how the growth of communication in particular has both huge benefits for mission, but also contains pitfalls. Security can be an issue, privacy of course, as well as cross-cultural issues - for example, if I never wore shorts during my eighteen years in Africa, out of respect for cultural norms there, now could I have a photo of me in shorts on my facebook page? What if a friend tags me in a photo so it appears even though I would not have put it up there myself? The good thing is, I never wear shorts! (thunderthighs...) But, what about with a good old G and T in my hand? Which I do partake of sometimes...

Mike raised a lot of other issues, including our growing use of screen to screen communication in place of face to face interaction. From my experience in African countries, people so much prefer face to face connection that they travel huge distances for meetings, and phone or email does not replace that adequately. In fact, you wouldn't necessarily take much notice of what anyone says on the phone - face to face is the thing. But that value might change, with everyone everywhere using email more and more. But wouldn't we all agree that "real" interaction is better than virtual? Jesus came down to live amongst us - doesn't that hold a great deal of meaning for us?

Mike ended with two great questions: 

1. What is behind the human need for more information and knowledge? Is it ultimately to know the divine or to replace Him (become omniscient ourselves)? How do you think those who don’t believe in God view this?

2. What is behind the need for humans to be more connected? Is it ultimately to connect with the divine or to connect to the whole world without needing Him (become omnipresent ourselves)? How do you think those who don’t believe in God view this?

 I think there is so much in those questions. Any thoughts...?! 

Our Zimbabwe experience in a teeny tiny nutshell

Since I gathered a few photos of our time in Zimbabwe, for my talk on Saturday, I thought I'd post them here. There is loads not included. We loved Zimbabwe, and left reluctantly.

I went to Zimbabwe with Crosslinks, to teach Old Testament in a small Anglican theological college, called Bishop Gaul Theological College. It was the provincial college for the Province of the Church of Central Africa, ie for Zimbabwe, Malawi, Zambia and Botswana. But, since it was such a large Province, students normally trained in little local colleges - and we only had twenty something students at the provincial one!

After one year, I married Dan, and we had a wedding celebration in Harare, in our friends' garden. Since I had become close to an older couple called Joe and Zilla Chiphudla, they demanded some bride price for me, so Dan paid them a goat for me! The goat then had twin kids - so they were really pleased!

Both our children were born in Zimbabwe. Babies are much loved there as you would expect. This is Pilani, one of our friends, meeting Abigail. She wasn't loving it...

This is when Alex was born - as you see, everyone comes to visit the newborn! These were some of the gorgeous ladies from our church, All Souls Mount Pleasant. Alex was only one day old! The visitors would always sing some hymns and say prayers aloud for the baby - it was a very special time, for me, and for the white farmer's wife in the bed next to mine!

A typical Jacaranda-lined suburb street of Harare. We lived right in Harare, a modern city (although it felt like it was still in the 1950s - but clean, wide streets, potholes fixed all the time, nothing like Kampala... at least, it was then; now, it is getting more like Kampala.)

This is me with Chad, the principal of the Anglican college. He is such a lovely man. He is now the Bishop of Harare, a job which came in very difficult circumstances, although things are better now.

Because I had previously lived in rural Zambia, I always longed to get out of the city into the other Zimbabwe. We made friends early on with a couple called Cuthbert and Shylet, and Shylet's mother lived in what were called "communal lands" about 45 minutes drive from Harare. (ie villages, in farming land, but, rough stony land, which the settlers allowed the blacks to live on - Zimbabwe's history is not all sunlight and roses...) This is me with Shylet's mother at her home.

In Zimbabwe, you usually did not use a person's name once they had children, you called them "Mama eldest child's name" - so we never learned this lady's own name!! Although we went there very often. I was called Mama Vimbai once Abigail was born - as her Shona name is Vimbainashe, shortened to Vimbai.

Dan meanwhile worked in an interdenominational college called Domboshawa Theological College. He was the academic dean there, and acting principal for a while.

We ended up leaving at very short notice, because a new bishop (before Chad) was appointed who was a political appointment, and found reasons to terminate all the contracts of white missionaries or clergy. Many Zimbabwean clergy also left the country at that time. It is a long story, but it involved Dan being accused of being in an assassination plot!! and getting phone calls from the War Veterans' Office accusing him of mistreating a war veteran (which would lead to many scary things if found to be true). Needless to say, neither of these things were true! It was all quite exciting, in its way. Alex was a newborn and Abby less than two at this point... In the end we found out we would be leaving, because a journalist rang us up and said, "I am hearing that you have been fie-ad - is it true?" It was the first we knew of it - but it came to pass.

God had already prepared a way for us and our young family though - and we were able to move to Redcliffe College within a few months, and start teaching there as Visiting Lecturers, while we looked for our next placement in Africa - which turned out to be, Uganda Christian University...

Slippery Slope...

My lecture today on the Preparation for Living and Working Cross-culturally course (Thrive!) was about emotional health, and keeping it. Well, hindsight is the best teacher, they say! Fortunately, I had the notes from the wonderful lady who normally teaches this lecture but is off on sabbatical. I found it enlightening and helpful as I prepared it, and I thought some bits of it might be worth posting.

Mags based the lecture on the Beatitudes (when Jesus says, "Blessed are those who..."), and suggests that they are Jesus' reflections on his experience of living cross-culturally - ie living on earth as a human being! And actually, if you read them in the light of living outside your home culture, you will notice how amazingly relevant they are...

Blessed are the poor in spirit...
Blessed are those who mourn...
Blessed are the meek...
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness...
Blessed are the merciful...
Blessed are the pure in heart...
Blessed are the peacemakers...
Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake...
Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you...

One student pointed out that they are not qualities to be aspired to, at least, not all of them. But, they are states of mind which we will find ourselves in, in which we should rejoice because they will make us better, they will make us "blessed." So we should feel strongly our dependence on God, we should recognize our losses and grieve them, we should be meek in approaching others and another culture, we should strive to be righteous in everything we do, we should treat others with mercy, etc etc.
This last one, treating others with mercy, not judgement, is a real help when it comes to working and living alongside people of other cultures and sometimes other viewpoints, other parenting methods, other opinions...

Another part of Mags' lecture that I used and thought was very helpful is the slippery slope of the Ds:

Beware the Ds...:

Disappointment – when we fail to live up to our own expectations, or when our expectations of others or of our role are not met etc etc - we can experience disappointment which can lead to…

Doubt – of ourselves, of our calling, am I meant to be here... of God’s ability to care for us, that leads to…

Discouragement – so we begin to lose heart and lose motivation and energy, which leads to…

Depression – where our spirit is broken and that can lead to…    (= burn-out;)

Despair. Paul experienced this, see 2 Cor 1:8  Prov 18:14

Yes I get this! So I told the students, this really happens. But if you are aware of what is going on, you don't need to slide down the slope... If you feel the process starting, if you feel disappointment or resentment or if you start to doubt you are meant to be where you are, stop, and listen to it. See the flashing lights. Identify what expectation is not being met. Pray about it. If it is because your expectation was faulty, ask God to help you Let It Go. Ask him to show you what other thing he has for you, because, he does have something for you. Clearly, the further down the slope you go, the harder it is to climb back up.

Whilst our emotional health might seem like a worthy sacrifice to make for the kingdom, (as in the title of Marjory Foyle's very good book, "Honourably Wounded," about missionary stress) - I don't believe God wants us to sacrifice it, he wants us to thrive where he plants us, he wants us to be well, to be blessed. But, he knows us. It is not a sin to slide. God will bring good out of it. 

  

Teaching again!

Today I went back to teaching! I have joined the part-time Redcliffe College staff, teaching a course called Thrive!, - which aims to prepare students for working and living cross-culturally. It's a very practical course with lots of room for telling stories and sharing experiences, role plays etc. Missio friends, don't worry, I shall use false names!!

I was needless to say really nervous, waking up early yesterday and today with my stomach full of butterflies. I was afraid about that and a bit discouraged, thinking it meant I haven't got over the whole anxiety thing... but I have always, my whole life, got nervous before teaching or speaking, and always once I am up in front talking and communicating, I am completely fine. So I told myself this was normal nerves, not abnormal ones... Dan reminded me that teaching this course is about the students, not about me. Putting it in that proper perspective really helped too. My job is to help equip them, not to "be a great teacher". Anyway, I can now relate to something I read, that when anxiety has become problematic, half the battle can be being anxious about being anxious. I get that.

My class is delightful, about twenty students, and I loved it. It reminded me that I do enjoy teaching, and I can do it! What a relief!

As part of the introduction to the course I used the following handout based on the word THRIVE, which was made up by the person who originally taught the course at Redcliffe. I don't know who. So it is not my own - but I thought some of you might like it and relate to it.

T - To be, not just to do...

H - Hold on to your calling

R - Reasonable expectations - of yourself, of the culture you are going to, of what you will do, - and making sure your supporters have reasonable expectations too

I - I need to look after myself

V - Vulnerability - not to fall into the trap of saying "I'm OK" when you need help/encouragement

E - Elasticity - being flexible - in every way probably.


... Six things to help you thrive on the mission field.

Movember

One of the fun, weird, English things we (by "we" I mean Dan) have been able to join in with this year is "Movember". Men from every walk of life grow moustaches in November, and get sponsored for it, and the money goes to a couple of cancer charities, specifically research into and care for prostate cancer patients. Redcliffe staff together raised about 600 pounds which is great.

Some men looked more or less normal, while others purposely grew silly moustaches, and one Redcliffe guy dyed his pink for the last day. One female student wore a stick-on moustache for some of the month because she felt left out...

Dan grew his biker moustache which I find quite cute...

(better than the Tom Selleck one from his past... )

Decision in Harare

Eleven years ago our family left Zimbabwe at short notice, because our contracts were terminated by the newly elected, pro-the president, anti-evangelical, anti-white bishop of Harare, Nolbert Kunonga.

He had proved himself within a few months to be a political appointment, there to promote Mugabe's interests. He locked up churches which had been allowing the opposition MDC to have their meetings in their church halls, he demoted all kinds of good clergy, he got rid of whites and evangelicals in various ways, he usurped large funds from various churches which were designated for other purposes, he took and used various church's cars, he threatened our students, he had the war veterans send a death threat to a clergy who wouldn't allow him to take church money... His wife put a stop to the clergy wives conference that I had been running for years at our theological college - which had been s special time of fellowship for all of us. He put his nephew in as principal of the theological college although that man was also the dean of the cathedral at the same time.  Without going into any more  details, we did support one church which tried to hold a kind of protest, and so we were "terminated."

At that time, we had already formed a connection with Redcliffe College, and so we were able to come here as Visiting Lecturers for a year, which was completely providential for us as a family.

Well, in 2007 Kunonga announced that he was taking the Zimbabwean Anglican church out of the Anglican Communion, and setting up a new Province in Zimbabwe. He made himself its "archbishop" and he made four of his friends, "bishops." Because of this action, the Church of the Province of Central Africa (the part of the Anglican Communion Zimbabwe is in) ex-communicated him. It seemed like the problem should be over... but, it was really only beginning.

Soon the CPCA elected a bishop to replace him in Harare, Sebastian Bakare. But Kunonga said his ex-communication was invalid, he was still bishop of Harare, and so he wouldn't move out of the bishops residence, nor would he stop leading services in the cathedral.

Unfortunately he took it to court, and the court said, it was a church matter, but since they couldn't sort it out amongst themselves, (grr), the judge decreed that the Kunonga people could use the churches for half the morning and the Bakare people could use them for the other half. This seemed to be OK, but then, Kunonga broke the ruling, wouldn't leave churches, and even had police and war vets go into the other services and break them up. As for the cathedral, he chained up its doors, and he held services in there himself - with his tiny following of about six clergy and their families.

Sadly the police gave him their muscle for political reasons - once police went into a Mothers Union meeting with about 500 lovely ladies, some pretty elderly, in their blue and white outfits, and literally beat them up with sticks, and dragged them out of the church by their clothes.

Eventually the "real" Anglicans were only able to have their services in school buildings and even out in the open. A church in exile, in their own city.

Meanwhile Kunonga was rewarded by the President by being given one of the farms taken from white farmers outside Harare, which he promptly moved into...

Our friend and former principal of the theological college was elected Bishop of Harare when Bakare retired, and so he had to take the lead against this renegade. He did well in raising prayer support from Christians all over the world, and he is such a godly, gentle man himself, everyone who knows him loves him. We worried for him, and prayed for him.

Kunonga's next move was to take away the leadership of the Anglican orphanage in Harare, and give it to again his own people. And at the same time, he claimed that all the rectories belonged to him, and so, he gave them all to the clergy he had ordained himself. So, friends and former students of ours who were clergy in the church under Bishop Chad, came home one weekend to find intruders had moved into their houses and put all their stuff outside - and in one case, the clergyman's elderly mother who had refused to leave the house, had been taken and held in police cells. I believe Bp Chad went and spent the time in the cells with her to support her, as well as getting lawyers involved.

Finally there was a much longed for court case, put forward by the real Anglican church (CPCA), to have Kunonga stopped, but sadly, the judge after hearing the first day, then failed to show up again and concluded that he could not make a ruling. That was about three years ago.

But this week, at last, the Supreme Court for the first time heard the case - and the ruling was made on Tuesday, that Kunonga had removed himself from the church back in 2007, and so he had forfeited the right to any claim on church property, vehicles, money, institutions, and rectories. In other words, he doesn't have a leg to stand on as far as the court is concerned. They have said to him, "Get Packing", as one headline put it.

Woooooohooooooo!!! I mean, Praise The Lord!!!!!

He has been given until Friday to move out of all the buildings, the cathedral, and to hand back all the rectories and vehicles.

I do not know what will happen. No doubt he is furious. Much as we, Dan and I and all our friends in Zimbabwe who are in the Anglican church, including our former students there (several of whom we are in touch with) are rejoicing - we are also praying for what will happen over the next few days.

Please if you do, pray for our friend Bishop Chad and for other clergy and their families who will now hopefully be able to move into their old homes, hold services in their churches, and begin to sort things out.

The Eye That Cries

Not really feeling well - I have a cold.... waaaaaaaahhhhh. But sitting in bed with my computer so I might as well write what I have been thinking about the last few days. Even if it might be a bit fuzzy like my head.

So on Tuesday I went to hear Joel Edwards speak about Justice as the Mission of God. He is such a good speaker, very engaging, warm, persuasive, positive... and he packs a lot in. He was the Director of Evangelical Alliance for ten years and is now head of the Micah Challenge, which bases its work on the verse in Micah 6:8 which I wrote about before.

He said just what I used to think, that many Christians see justice as a hobby horse for some, like the environment used to be (?) seen too. But his main point was, that justice should be part of the Christian life we live, for all of us, just as much as our personal devotion. He said that we have tended to make Christianity a matter of private relationship with God, but it should equally be a matter of a public citizenship in the world.

He said how we love to talk about the holiness and righteousness God requires of us, but we don't focus much on the justice, which is also and equally there. And that they should be integrated as the way we live out the Christian life, and not in three separate boxes.

Righteousness and justice are the foundation of your throne. Ps 89:14

Micah Challenge have put together a dvd package called The Jesus Agenda, which is a resource for home groups and churches or anyone else to use, to think through issues of justice and how we can live more integratedly like this.

We saw one small section of it, and one thing we saw impacted me greatly. The section was set in Lima, Peru, and how a group there work with the poor and also in the wealthy communities, to bring in more community and unity. The film crew visited a monument in Lima called El Ojo que Llora = the Eye that Cries - which is a stone sculpture, surrounded by a labyrinth of stones each with the name and dates of a person who died/disappeared during the years of the Shining Path resistance movement, between 1980 and 2000. About 70,000 were killed altogether on both sides of the conflict. The black stone in the centre of the monument has water constantly pouring from it - the eye that cries.

The monument moved me so much because it reminded me powerfully that God weeps when there is violence and hostility. It makes God mourn when there is injustice, when innocent people die. He weeps over the many many deaths in every conflict. How can I be so hard and dry-eyed? Is there anything I can, should, be doing to bring more peace, reconciliation, justice, in my sphere of the world at least?

Beginnings...

This is a day of new beginnings... today was the barbeque for new students at Redcliffe College. (Old students and all staff and anyone else pretty much - and their dog (!) - were there too.)

So Dan is about to start his teaching life at Redcliffe, kicking off with a course on Christ and the Transformation of the Human Condition (or something like that)... Also Introducing Applied Theology in Global Perspective. And Biblical Interpretation in Intercultural Contexts.

We have already got to know most of the staff, a very friendly bunch, almost all with a missions background.

Today we met some of the new students - several Dutch people, a German lady, a Ugandan we already knew from last year, a girl from California, a few Brits - there are also Polish, Brazilian, Spanish, and many other students - a great mix. Although I won't be teaching there  at present, I am going to help Dan with his student group (community group), which will meet at our place, so I look forward to getting to know some of them.

Dan's new office:

Meeting students at the barbeque (there are some of the lecturers' kids in this picture - the students here are mainly in their twenties and thirties!) :

Some of our new colleagues: l to r, Dave Fisher (worked in Tanzania with Tracy and their children), Christine Memory (worked in Spain with Jim and their children), Carol Kingston-Smith (worked in Bolivia with Andy and their children):

Some other pics of the college:

Dan's office is top right - up in the attic!

This is his view. The building there is the accommodation block.

Dan has gone to work! At Redcliffe College

Today is a Red Letter Day, for me if for no-one else... Dan has started work!!!! This is officially his first day as Head of Theology at Redcliffe College. No matter that the students all just left for the summer break... Dan is there, getting ready for their return, manning the college during the break, ready to welcome visitors and potential students, attending planning meetings, moving into his new office, (OK, still tweaking his PhD - although the first draft is 99 % done), and, earning some money!

Redcliffe is a wonderful college that we are blessed to be part of. It is a missions training college that moved from London about 25 years ago, into a beautiful Georgian building here in Gloucester. The staff team is quite small and so everyone is involved up to their necks, which makes for a good community.

Redcliffe has students from about 30 countries, training in theology, missions, and cross-cultural studies. It is accredited by the University of Gloucestershire, so that the students come away with recognised BAs and MAs. There are a number of interesting MA courses including one in Justice, Advocacy and Reconciliation, one in Member Care, one in Sports and Mission, MAs in European and Asian Mission studies, and others.

www.redcliffe.org

Our connection with Redcliffe seems to have always been by divine appointment, and goes back to 2002, when we had to leave Zimbabwe at very short notice. We had friends, Nick and Jenny Cole, who worked at Redcliffe for a while, and on a previous home leave we had visited them, and Nick had mentioned in passing that Redcliffe always had "visiting scholars," and if we ever wanted a sabbatical we could all go and live in the college accommodation and do some teaching for a term. So, when we were given three months to leave Zimbabwe, we contacted the college and asked if they could use us straight away!

Sure enough they took us on, so we moved into a college family house (five families with ten children all under the age of ten in one big house, sharing one kitchen, one washing machine, one living room...! Chaos but a lot of fun.) It was completely a gift from God for us that year. Abby was two and Alex a baby when we moved there. I don't know what else we would have done at that point. So we were extremely thankful to Redcliffe and to God. Also, Redcliffe was just starting up the MA courses that year, and getting a big review done, so the lecturers were very happy to have Dan and me teaching some of the undergrad and core courses, so that they could work on these big projects. We loved our year there.


So when in 2010 we felt it was about the right time to leave UCU, we contacted Redcliffe again (as well as some other places) and the principal came back to us saying that their head of Theology would be retiring, and they would be interested in having Dan as his replacement.

We are very happy to have this work, still involved with missions and particularly preparing people to go out on missions, living in this beautiful area of England, and well placed for all my family.

Today feels like a miracle, though, because, although Rob the principal emailed Dan that they did want him for the job about a year and a half ago, they were unable to give us anything definite, in writing, until May this year! So, we moved to Gloucester largely in faith, - faith in God and faith in Rob Hay(!), that the job would in actual fact be Dan's. It has been like walking on thin ice over a huge, eleven-month-long lake, trusting that we would reach the other side and find firm ground. Well, today it seems that we have reached it. Whew!!!!!

Dan's office is the top right window, in the roof! More photos to follow...

This shows the accommodation for students, and the garden with a sweet playground for little children, and a beautiful, huge conker tree.

The same tree, with crocuses in early Spring.

Thoughts on mission...

On Friday morning I was part of a panel of returned mission partners speaking to about fifteen Redcliffe College students who are on a short course called PIM - "Professionals in Mission." So they were a slightly older group than the full time students, some of them GPs and one a teacher, about to go off to work long term in Asia, Africa and two in Britain.

Redcliffe College - where Dan will start working soon!

                                                                (www.redcliffe.org)

We had been asked to talk about our experiences to help prepare the students for the culture shock, changes, and adjustments that await them when they finally, (in the near future now), arrive in their new homes.

Specifically we were asked what was the biggest change we had to come to terms with, what good advice we had been given before going, what were the most difficult challenges in relation to our gender, and for our children.

All three of us on the panel had a fair bit to say...

At one point one of the Dutch students said, "If there are so many difficulties, why do you even bother going?" One of us then explained that we had been asked to talk about what changes had been difficult for us, not what had been easy! And we then all talked about all the positives that there were as well...!

But I did smile ruefully at that question, because I know at some points while in Africa I had wondered "Why do people come?" "Why am I here?" and "Wouldn't it have been better for the first missionaries not to have come at all?" And at some points "I really don't think teams of short-termers should come!" And also, "Why do people far away keep giving money to people and causes here they know nothing about?" It is possible to become disillusioned about mission and about aid work, probably mostly when you are too hot and tired and have been stuck in a traffic jam and been called muzungu for the tenth time that day, and told "You give me my money" by a group of kids... It is possible also to feel defeated by the amount of need all around - not so much on campus (although many students struggled) as driving past the informal settlements and markets to Kampala, the people at the roadsides in mud shacks, so poor, with holey brown-stained clothes and no shoes. (If any of my Ugandan friends are reading this, please don't feel offended - I also get tired and fed up with my husband and children from time to time!)

But even on those days, I still loved all the beauty of Africa, and the quality, love, warmth and Christian character of loads of our students and colleagues. When I felt a bit tired of the whole thing, this is what I held onto, as well as these things I was convinced of: 1. Uganda is developing, and is amazing in so many ways; 2. we were called to be there, helping UCU and having input into people's lives; 3. I believe that Christians ought to help out in many different ways, where help is needed and where one's talents lie: so if you feel burdened about orphans, help orphans; if you feel burdened about maternal health and you have expertise in that area, help with that area. God gives us these passions, these interests and these abilities in order for us to use them for his purposes, and so we should: I felt called to teach in Africa and to help equip students for ministry; 4. Lastly, I believe that educating young Ugandan (or other) Christians so that they can take professional leadership in Uganda (or elsewhere) is one of the best things for missionaries to be doing. That is in line with the interest and the skills God has given me. But it is, actually, one of the very best things missionaries can be doing!

But, sometimes it felt as though mission is all too patronising still, our ideas and insistences too western.
And also, the longer I lived in Africa, the more I realised how deep culture goes and how people, we, will be thinking and acting out of our culture in ways that we may never realise or fathom - me as a Brit, all the other missionaries as Americans, and Ugandans as not only Ugandans but as Batooro, Baganda, Bakiga... That is why training Ugandans to lead and teach in Uganda is a great idea... Seems like a no-brainer.

In spite of my mixture of emotions and reactions to mission and sometimes missionaries, I do still believe in mission. (Good thing!) I know God can use anyone. But my view is that it is all about your motivation, and therefore the attitude you have when you go: you have to go because you feel called; you have to have a testimony, because that is really all you can offer; you have to love people, because that is what the people who receive you notice the most, more than any skill you offer; you have to go as a Learner, and a Helper, because that is the kind of person you would want to show up in your church or community, right?; you have to be flexible, to be willing to do anything that is needed to help, not to come with a set task, or time-frame, in mind.

All that's needed is humility, patience (did I mention that yet?), love, flexibility, grace... No wonder I got a bit discouraged at times!  So OK you don't have to be a saint, because, you can't. You also have to be yourself, and you have to be real. So you need someone you can offload onto, and you need to have breaks, and downtime. And chocolate.

And there you have it: Rosie's theory of missions.