"The Returnee..."
We are in the middle of a roller coaster of transition. We left Uganda on 1st July, and travelled to visit Dan's family in America... Now we arrive in England, where I have not lived since 1992, almost twenty years ago... I left young free and single, and return with an American husband and two children, aged 11 and 9... I hope to describe the experiences of "the Returnee", with, no doubt, flashbacks to our African life, and commentary from my children along the way...
Thursday, 28 June 2012
Wolf Hall
Historical novels set in Tudor times are fantastic - well-written ones that is - because the times were so turbulent, the clothes so colourful and opulent, the debates were about matters of faith, people rode horses everywhere or travelled up and down the Thames in rowing boats and barges, and ate a lot of meat and bread off trenchers, and threw the bones onto the straw-strewn floors - it all sounds kind of romantic and fun. Ladies had admirers who wrote them poems and sonnets. Tudor people lived either in castles, or in black and white beamed houses with upstairs windows jutting out into the streets and diamond-paned windows. They had open fires in each room, and jesters.
OK, this is probably the rich people only. If I lived in Tudor times, I would be some "goodwife" probably, wearing long dresses and aprons and kind of mobcaps, and carrying baskets of bread or washing around.
The poor people in Tudor times lived in mud-walled, thatched houses, worked the fields or were servants for others, and were uneducated and heavily taxed and very very poor.
I do seem to have only a very rudimentary grasp of Tudor life. But I like the houses, the dresses, the colours, the woodcuts, tapestries, and harpsichord music. But I expect I would have hated the cold and draughts everywhere, the smells because I don't think people washed very often, and the filthy streets. And the violence. In these times people were burned at the stake for their religious beliefs, or sometimes tortured for information and confessions, and then burned or beheaded - first the ones who wouldn't give up their catholic faith, and then the ones who did turn to the new protestant faith, and then the catholic ones again - all depending on the views of the monarch of the time. It swung one way and then another... People got hung up by their thumbs, put in iron spiked cages that closed on them slowly, stretched and dislocated on racks, you name it... It is all anathema to me, but I love reading about it!
I find it interesting that our evangelical protestant churches, those who believe everyone should have a Bible in their own home, in their own language, who are opposed to superstition, opposed to the notions of purgatory and confession to a priest and paying a priest to pray for your dead relatives, in other words, the churches I am aligned with, - that they came into existence through this process of burnings, confessions, torture, and the shutting down and even sometimes physical destruction of ancient, beautiful monasteries. Why did God have to birth the Protestant church in England in this way? I suppose it must be a bit like why the Israelites had to wipe out the Canaanites - the softly softly approach just wouldn't have got anywhere. But it was an inevitable and gradual process in fact, as people of faith saw the church, which was all catholic then, becoming more and more corrupt, and also as they longed to be able to read the Bible in English, and as the printing presses were built that made reproduction of those Bibles possible. The reformation didn't just start with Luther, and nor did it come into England just because Henry VIII wanted to be free from the Pope in order to divorce his wife and marry his mistress Anne Boleyn. Rather, it started in myriads of places throughout England and Europe, as people's yearning rose up for genuine understanding and faith and worship and they became determined to be set free from the superstitions, the faith in relics and paid-for prayers. I am extremely glad the Reformation happened, but, in spite of my romance with the Tudors, I am glad that I didn't have to live through it. I don't think I am brave enough to be burned at the stake. Seriously.
Wolf Hall is a brilliant novel set in those days. It is written by Hilary Mantel, who is an excellent writer. Her descriptions of people are evocative: for example, this is the first appearance of the Duke of Norfolk: "Flint-faced and keen-eyed, he is as lean as a gnawed bone and as cold as an axe-head; his joints seem knitted together of supple chain links, and indeed he rattles a little as he moves, for his clothes conceal relics: in tiny jewelled cases he has shavings of skin and ... splinters of martyrs' bones." The main character is Thomas Cromwell, who is normally portrayed as an ambitious, cruel self-made man - but in this book he comes across as a sensitive and caring, if pragmatic, reformer, who wants to get ahead. Whilst Thomas More, who is normally presented as a kindly, moderate man, in this book comes across as tactless and unpleasant. If you are a fan of historical novels, this one is absolutely fantastic and gripping, highly researched but not at all dry; it draws you into the world of the day, court life, Henry VIII's relationship with Anne Boleyn (and other women), Anne Boleyn's and Katherine of Aragon's perspectives - you understand them all and swing between sympathising with each in turn. I had never understood how Cardinal Wolsey, Thomas Cromwell, Thomas More and Cranmer related to each other and fit into the chain of events, until I read this novel - now I have got it down. I thoroughly recommend this book. Can't wait to read the sequel...
WIlliam Cowper poem
I saw this on a friend's blog and loved it, so I thought I would pass it on.
I was a stricken deer that left the herd
Long since; with many an arrow deep infixt
My panting side was charged when I withdrew
To seek a tranquil death in distant shades.
There was I found by one who had himself
Been hurt by th’ archers. In his side he bore
And in his hands and feet the cruel scars.
With gentle force soliciting the darts
He drew them forth, and heal’d and bade me live.
Long since; with many an arrow deep infixt
My panting side was charged when I withdrew
To seek a tranquil death in distant shades.
There was I found by one who had himself
Been hurt by th’ archers. In his side he bore
And in his hands and feet the cruel scars.
With gentle force soliciting the darts
He drew them forth, and heal’d and bade me live.
William Cowper (From the Task, 1785)
Monday, 25 June 2012
Abigail
Tomorrow is Abigail's 12th birthday. Abby is the sweetest, most thoughtful, conscientious, adorable daughter in the world. She is giggly, cuddly, kind, unassuming. All of a sudden, since starting at secondary school, she has become organised and self-motivated; she gets up and dressed before any of us every morning - so that she can have some time on her own - and often comes in to wake me and Dan up! However, there is a core of steel in this girl. She is stubborn, determined, and unswerving when she has set her mind on something, and if necessary she lets us all know about it, very loudly... And she tells me off quite regularly, in no uncertain terms.
She has made quite a group of friends at school and fills me in on the car ride home about the latest ups and downs, as different ones fall in and out with each other, cry, get in trouble, etc etc.
She still loves animals and now has two fish, two mice, and Frodo the dog, - but she would also love a pet duck... and a cat. And another dog. And she wants to work with animals when she grows up.
Pepper... and ... Smidge
Abby with Frodo |
Her favourite pastimes are art and writing. This is a painting of a mandarin duck she did recently after a visit to the Wildfowl and Wetlands Trust at Slimbridge:
She does lots of writing, and as a birthday surprise we have had a book (70 pages long!) she wrote published online on Lulu - one copy only being printed right now, but, if you like you can order a copy!! The book is called Laundry, and is about a kitten.
Her favourite person, and her worst enemy, is her brother Alex. He is making it his job in life to bother her as much as humanly possible, and she gets as wound up as he could ever want. But beneath it all they enjoy each other very much, and I just hope and pray they get past the bugging each other phase soon...
Thank you Abby for being the most lovely daughter and friend a mother could ever wish for...
Sunday, 24 June 2012
Thursday, 21 June 2012
Calm in the Storm
Cedrico Fernandez |
But through this weird, wild story, there is so much to learn from Jonah. He is very human and just like us, although crazy supernatural things happen to him. His actions and reactions at each point are so understandable. But, I only just noticed something about Jonah's prayer from inside the fish, in chapter two.
In his prayer he describes how he was sinking down, into the depths and the darkness, the seaweed was wrapping around his head, he was dying, but then, God heard his cries and saved him. Now he is thanking God, offering him praise and promising sacrifices, and testifying that "Salvation comes from God." He is overwhelmed by God's grace, and says, "Those who chase after worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs."
But, duh, he is still inside the fish. His situation has changed, he is no longer sucking in seawater and sinking to the bottom of the ocean, but he is now stuck inside a fish's stomach, being digested, slowly but surely.
When praying this joyful-sounding prayer, did he understand that the fish was God's way of saving him, and that the fish was going to carry him to dry land? I doubt it. I think rather that Jonah had just come to realise that God is sovereign, the giver of all things, the giver of boats and storms, companions, fish, tasks to be done, and above all, the giver of grace. And that this powerful God has done incredible things for him, and that this is so amazing, as he is just a disobedient failing human being. And that we can wonder at God and praise him for his goodness and grace, even from the heart of a storm, from deep under the sea, from the stinking slimy inside of a fish, from the slough of despond.
I would love to be at the point Jonah reached, of being able to rejoice in having a relationship with the God of grace, even when storms and winding seaweed abound. To have peace and calm and happiness, in the storm.
I feel that by now, after living the Christian life for some forty years, I should be that joyful peaceful calm person, but...um... All I can say is, I hope I am getting there. The transition we are going through has felt like a storm, and now that the wind and waves are abating, I hope that having seen God giving us everything, leading us and keeping us safe and provided for, I am better equipped to meet a future one. I hope and pray.
William Turner 1842 |
Friday, 15 June 2012
Thoughts on reaching 45
45 is a good number. 45 is half of 90 - and 4 plus 5 equals 9. 9 x 5 is also 45. I don't normally enjoy numbers much, as I am more of a words person, but, I like the number 45.
As a stage of life, I am experiencing a surprisingly pleasing feeling, of starting the second half. Apparently GK Chesterton used to say at the end of every day, "Do you mean I get to do that all over again tomorrow?" meaning just, live another day. I feel that about my life. I am totally assuming I'll make it to 90, which seems a good possibility right now. Another whole half to go! And this time, starting with a lot more knowledge, understanding, language, and skills than I had for the first half. At least, for now, until they start to dwindle...
Things which I have got stuck on, like a cross-stitch of Noah's Ark which I started when Abby was a baby (!), I am now going to finish. Things I learned but forgot, like my knowledge of Hebrew, I am going to relearn. Dan is starting work at Redcliffe College in July and I plan to get involved there.
I feel like I have reached the middle of a book which I am enjoying, and am looking forward to reading the rest.
I just checked, and according to Wikipedia, life expectancy in Zambia, where I once lived, is still only 42. In Zimbabwe it is 43. In Uganda it is 51.5. In UK, it is 80.5. It is still an unequal world... What will it take to give everyone the same share of years?
Still even in England, in aiming for 90 I am being optimistic, but I come from healthy stock... (And of course, this is also assuming that climate change doesn't wipe us all out in the next thirty years...)
So, not a crisis for me at this point, but a hope for the future, for the second half. For which I am thankful.
As a stage of life, I am experiencing a surprisingly pleasing feeling, of starting the second half. Apparently GK Chesterton used to say at the end of every day, "Do you mean I get to do that all over again tomorrow?" meaning just, live another day. I feel that about my life. I am totally assuming I'll make it to 90, which seems a good possibility right now. Another whole half to go! And this time, starting with a lot more knowledge, understanding, language, and skills than I had for the first half. At least, for now, until they start to dwindle...
Things which I have got stuck on, like a cross-stitch of Noah's Ark which I started when Abby was a baby (!), I am now going to finish. Things I learned but forgot, like my knowledge of Hebrew, I am going to relearn. Dan is starting work at Redcliffe College in July and I plan to get involved there.
I feel like I have reached the middle of a book which I am enjoying, and am looking forward to reading the rest.
I just checked, and according to Wikipedia, life expectancy in Zambia, where I once lived, is still only 42. In Zimbabwe it is 43. In Uganda it is 51.5. In UK, it is 80.5. It is still an unequal world... What will it take to give everyone the same share of years?
Still even in England, in aiming for 90 I am being optimistic, but I come from healthy stock... (And of course, this is also assuming that climate change doesn't wipe us all out in the next thirty years...)
So, not a crisis for me at this point, but a hope for the future, for the second half. For which I am thankful.
Monday, 11 June 2012
Jonah, a Beautiful Stone and a Jolly Bishop.
Saturday felt a bit off. Even though things are going well, and the weather was better - weak sunshine and a degree of warmth -, and we had a free day and I had things I wanted to do, and Alex had an invitation to a friend, and I even knew what I was going to make for supper - I still felt that pulling-down feeling in my stomach, as if something was holding its two bottom corners and tugging downward. Going to church on Sunday we had an excellent talk on Jonah, and the word that stuck out was "Surrender." Jonah, sinking down, surrendered himself to God, and see what God did. I don't know particularly what was getting me down, but I can surrender life with all its good things and its down days, and that feels better.
On Sunday afternoon we all had a great gardening session. We clipped and yanked out ivy and trimmed the trees in our hedge, and now the middle of the garden is full of huge piles of greenery, and the edges look clearer and much more open and light. In the process of cutting back ivy from one overgrown corner, I discovered an interesting, stripey rock, with two holes carved or worn through it - clearly someone's possession at one point, but long lost under dark green curtains.
It made me think of the unexpected treasures you can discover when you cut back the junk that grows and overwhelms. But then again, in other paces where we stripped off ivy, we uncovered an ugly cement block wall - so, you can tell me the parable behind that...!
In the evening we went to a Baptism Renewal service, because Dan had to go and wanted us to accompany him. To be honest, none of the rest of us were very enthusiastic about going...(Abby and Alex haven't even been baptised yet), but it was actually very jolly and quite good fun. It was just what you might imagine - the baptism words and vows were repeated and we were asked if we wanted to reaffirm them for ourselves, we were given tall candles, we sang nice hymns, and the best bit was when the Bishop of Tewkesbury walked among us very gleefully spraying us with water from a basin using a large rosemary branch. We got pretty drenched!
On Sunday afternoon we all had a great gardening session. We clipped and yanked out ivy and trimmed the trees in our hedge, and now the middle of the garden is full of huge piles of greenery, and the edges look clearer and much more open and light. In the process of cutting back ivy from one overgrown corner, I discovered an interesting, stripey rock, with two holes carved or worn through it - clearly someone's possession at one point, but long lost under dark green curtains.
It made me think of the unexpected treasures you can discover when you cut back the junk that grows and overwhelms. But then again, in other paces where we stripped off ivy, we uncovered an ugly cement block wall - so, you can tell me the parable behind that...!
In the evening we went to a Baptism Renewal service, because Dan had to go and wanted us to accompany him. To be honest, none of the rest of us were very enthusiastic about going...(Abby and Alex haven't even been baptised yet), but it was actually very jolly and quite good fun. It was just what you might imagine - the baptism words and vows were repeated and we were asked if we wanted to reaffirm them for ourselves, we were given tall candles, we sang nice hymns, and the best bit was when the Bishop of Tewkesbury walked among us very gleefully spraying us with water from a basin using a large rosemary branch. We got pretty drenched!
Sunday, 10 June 2012
Thursday, 7 June 2012
A taste of England... including the weather...
Gwyn our American friend left this morning, after stopping off with us for a few days on her way back from Uganda. We loved seeing her again, talking about Mukono and our friends there, and about "returnee" issues - and giving her a few very English experiences, (including a Royal Jubilee, which of course we laid on especially...)
The quintessential glimpses of English life we enjoyed with her included carrying on, determinedly, in wellies and raincoats in spite of the continual rain...
Others were:
a walk and picnic in the Gloucestershire countryside...
A visit to a Tudor castle, Sudeley, near a Cotswold village called Winchcombe...
... followed by a "Cream Tea" - mmm... (= scones, cream and jam and a pot of tea)
Next day we had other visitors whom we had known in Uganda - so it was a real Mukono-fest. Then we went with Gwyn to the Slimbridge Wetlands and Wildfowl Trust (bird sanctuary) and had a very wet afternoon enjoying the ducks, swans, geese, flamingos, etc...
In the evening we went out for a meal to a 500 year old pub called the Golden Heart. Pub dining is really the best way to eat out in England: cosy, beamed, stone-walled rooms with old wooden settles and chairs and a roaring fire, and, delicious food.
Then on Weds we did a tour of Gloucester Cathedral including going up the tower, followed by a roam around the town and docks, ending with a spot of clothes shopping - Gwyn bought a dress in White Stuff! (Blogging allows you to tell things about your friends, right?) We even fitted in a movie and popcorn, and a game of Settlers. I think we managed to do quite a lot during those three days...
Thanks Gwyn for coming to visit!
Sunday, 3 June 2012
Jubilee!
We are celebrating the Queen's 60th anniversary, or Diamond Jubilee this weekend. For most people the best thing about it is the four day weekend. Monday and Tuesday are "Bank holidays" (public holidays) which is unheard of. Four days of parties, rest, or a chance to go away on holiday...
Queen Elizabeth II is respected and loved by many Brits, - actually I would say most, - even if many think her family has gone wayward or feeble.
People admire the Queen for maintaining her dignity, faithfulness and devotion to her role, and for keeping calm and cheerful at all times. She is 84 but she stalwartly climbs in and out of cars, walks past the crowds, smiles at them all, greets people, watches long performances put on for her benefit, makes speeches... it must be a boring life. She is amazing. When she needs a break she goes off to her castle at Balmoral in Scotland and walks her corgis through the heather. She has four years to go before beating Queen Victoria's record of 64 years as longest serving monarch.
She doesn't have much of a role constitutionally, except that she opens Parliament at the start of the year and makes a speech. She is Head of the Church of England and she does have a strong faith. (Her Christmas Day broadcast to the nation last Christmas contained a clear Christian message, which was fantastic.)
Abigail came home from school on Thursday with a Jubilee mug given out by her school. Hooray!
This is the mug I was given when I was ten, in 1977, when we celebrated her Silver Jubilee (25 yrs):
These street parties are happening all over England over the next few days. Hope the sun comes out for them... Fronts of houses are festooned with Unions Jacks. Some people grew red white and blue flowers in their front gardens... Our little street isn't having a street party (shame) but we are going to a friend's this afternoon for a big tea party - cake and champagne, I believe.
This afternoon there is a huge pageant on the Thames - the Queen will ride down the Thames in a royal barge, with a thousand boats of all descriptions following behind. That should be an amazing spectacle... Britain is just great at these events...
and a scathing article by Polly Toynbee in the Guardian (which is admittedly our most left-wing newspaper) started:
And on the day of our last big national event, the Royal Wedding of William and Kate, I was driving through Kampala over the remains of fires and away from gunshots, praying all the while, on the day of the Walk to Work riots. So, this is better...
Queen Elizabeth II is respected and loved by many Brits, - actually I would say most, - even if many think her family has gone wayward or feeble.
People admire the Queen for maintaining her dignity, faithfulness and devotion to her role, and for keeping calm and cheerful at all times. She is 84 but she stalwartly climbs in and out of cars, walks past the crowds, smiles at them all, greets people, watches long performances put on for her benefit, makes speeches... it must be a boring life. She is amazing. When she needs a break she goes off to her castle at Balmoral in Scotland and walks her corgis through the heather. She has four years to go before beating Queen Victoria's record of 64 years as longest serving monarch.
She doesn't have much of a role constitutionally, except that she opens Parliament at the start of the year and makes a speech. She is Head of the Church of England and she does have a strong faith. (Her Christmas Day broadcast to the nation last Christmas contained a clear Christian message, which was fantastic.)
Abigail came home from school on Thursday with a Jubilee mug given out by her school. Hooray!
This is the mug I was given when I was ten, in 1977, when we celebrated her Silver Jubilee (25 yrs):
These street parties are happening all over England over the next few days. Hope the sun comes out for them... Fronts of houses are festooned with Unions Jacks. Some people grew red white and blue flowers in their front gardens... Our little street isn't having a street party (shame) but we are going to a friend's this afternoon for a big tea party - cake and champagne, I believe.
This afternoon there is a huge pageant on the Thames - the Queen will ride down the Thames in a royal barge, with a thousand boats of all descriptions following behind. That should be an amazing spectacle... Britain is just great at these events...
But needless to say, there are many Brits who don't feel so thrilled about the monarchy. We have our republicans too... So this weekend has been a great opportunity for some nay-saying as well. The weekly paper we are getting at the moment had this cover this weekend: "Are we all monarchists now?"
and a scathing article by Polly Toynbee in the Guardian (which is admittedly our most left-wing newspaper) started:
Queen's diamond jubilee: a vapid family and a mirage of nationhood. What's to celebrate?
If the very idea of monarchy diminishes us, the living reality is much more humiliating and damaging to our country...
Yes we have freedom of speech in this country (except for pro-Christian writing that is... or so it often seems), and we also know how to laugh at ourselves... Anyway, I am glad to be here in England for this celebration. Not just to have press cuttings sent to me. Moving to Africa I initially put my Englishness away quite happily, but I felt more English as the years went by, rather than less.And on the day of our last big national event, the Royal Wedding of William and Kate, I was driving through Kampala over the remains of fires and away from gunshots, praying all the while, on the day of the Walk to Work riots. So, this is better...
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