Family

I am thinking back to a time BA (Before Africa) when I was one of a group of about fifteen twenty-somethings staying in a youth hostel in the Lake District, on an Orientation week preparing us to go out to live and work in different parts of Africa. It was such a fun group of people, and we were all excited about what lay ahead. I remember my stomach was full, constantly, of those good kind of butterflies, the pre-Christmas kind. (My good friend Linda Carpenter was also in that group.) We were under the kind and avuncular instruction of various AEF elders like Robin and Val Wells, a lovely lady called Juliet, and a less aunt-like, more scary headmistress-like, Dorothy.  In amongst the Bible Studies, learn-how-to-cook-with-pumpkin sessions, eat-your-first-mealie-meal sessions (left me with a leaden gut for days...), and cultural insights and discussions, the issue of leaving family behind came up, and somebody reassured us with Jesus' words in Mark 10:29: "I tell you the truth, no-one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much, in this present age (homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields - and with them, persecution), and in the age to come, eternal life."

I must admit, as I threw myself into my new, fascinating life in Zambia, well-looked after by new Zambian friends who were used to having young western short-termers around, helped out and often fed by older long-term missionaries, hanging out with other newbies in the evenings, I didn't really miss my family all that much. At Christmas I did, and once in a while I would have a pang, but not really. I loved their visits and it was very hard saying goodbye when they left again. But I do think especially in the case of short-termers, it is much harder on the family left behind, missing a family member who has always been around, than on the one out on the mission field having a fantastic new exciting experience.

When I went to work in Zimbabwe, I was newly engaged to Dan and probably thought more about missing him than my family!

It was when our children came along, and then when my three brothers started having their children, that I began to wish more that I could be nearer my family. I felt sorry that my babies were so far away from their adoring grandparents, and sorry that I was depriving them both of each other. As more and more time went by, I began to wish that I could see my family more. The list of gatherings I was missing grew longer: various baptisms and dedications, parties, and Christmas get-togethers, and the desire to be able to participate in all these grew stronger. I was fortunate that my parents and at different times my brothers did come out to visit, they all came at different stages along the way. But by the last two or three years of living in Uganda, wanting to be nearer my family became a major reason for feeling ready to leave.

One friend in Uganda warned me, "Being nearer family may not turn out to be all its cracked up to be!"

 But I am writing this post partly to say how much I am enjoying my family right now! I live roughly a two hour drive from my parents and from all my three brothers. So it isn't as though we hang out at weekends all the time, or feel any pressure to do so. But already this autumn I have been able to go to my new niece Lucia's baptism, Aunt Elisabeth's 75th birthday bash, to visit Mark and co in their new home in Guildford twice, visit Nigel and family and stay overnight, to spend a week at my parents' in August and a few weekends since then while doing our Devon church visits, to meet them at a shopping mall half-way between Gloucester and their home for a Christmas shopping day.... Also they came and stayed for a weekend to look after Abby and Alex while Dan and I went on a retreat in October. I have loved it all.

All my family have also offered us financial help during these months, for which we are so grateful.

I have less contact with my brothers by skype now, but it feels normal and good to see them once in a while, and for it not to be the once-in-two years visit or whatever it used to be. It feels good, and right. I love how Abby and Alex love their relations even though they have lived far away from them all their lives. Is that just inborn into us?  

I do bear witness, though, that God gave me family while I lived in Africa. The close community at UCU especially was like family, I had sisters and brothers, mothers and fathers there, and my children had them too. And just a few in Kampala as well. Since you are mainly who are reading this blog (because I haven't told many other people about it!) let me say here that your friendships were supportive and sustaining, and I frequently miss being able to wander up the mud path to one of your houses or other for a coffee, brownie, chat, vent, prayer, moan-and-groan fest, movie-night, game-night (!), Tae Bo session (OK not so much after Louise left...), movie-borrowing, egg-borrowing... Thank you for being my family as well, and the fulfilment of God's promise in Mark 10:29. And, keep being that for each other!