Angels bending near the earth

I enjoyed singing Christmas carols so much this year.

I decided my favourite one is It Came upon a Midnight Clear ... "that glorious song of old, from angels bending near the earth, to touch their harps of gold..."

Singing it, I had a picture of a massive angel, hovering over the world, head bent down towards it, seeing and mourning at the wrongdoing and sorrow, but also full of peace that all will be well. Peace that God is in control. Knowing that God sees all, but believing that He also knows the bigger picture, and that there will be justice, and recompense, and a setting right, in the end.

Still through the cloven skies they come,
With peaceful wings unfurled;
And still their heavenly music floats
O'er all the weary world:
Above its sad and lowly plains
They bend on hovering wing,
And ever o'er its Babel sounds
The blessed angels sing.

These pictures are artwork to illustrate this same carol, by Erik Christenson, taken from his blog - I hope he would not mind. I love them.

This photo is of a tomb in the Protestant cemetery in Rome. I resonate with it because it shows how God and the angels grieve with us, even whilst knowing more than us. 

Because we live in a fallen world, that needs the God who came at Christmas, and who will come again.

2012 Best Reads

As I really love finding out what other people have read and getting their book recommendations, I thought I'd add my own list of 2012 best reads -  although I have written about a few of the books already, so I won't say much about each one here.

To make it easier for me (!) I'm going to do categories. 

Africa books: Blood River by Tim Butcher. The author is a journalist, who travels by motorbike, foot and canoe across Congo, including a long stretch on the Congo River. He writes so evocatively about Congo, and respectfully about the people he met and who helped him. And a fascinating history, without getting boring, once. 

Non-fiction: The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks, by Rebecca Skloot. This book is so so interesting! It is the story of a black American woman who died of a very virulent form of cancer, and cells from her tumour were removed and reproduced successfully (which was a first) in the lab - and then used and its descendants used in many major steps forward in cancer cures and discoveries, right up to the present - ie for over fifty years. The book also tracks the story of the Lacks family, who whilst knowing the impact of Henrietta's cells on medical science, have lived in relative poverty. It makes for a really good read, on several levels.

Christian books: Honestly, I don't read many "Christian books"... ahem. But this one, I loved, and I have gone on about it quite a bit so I won't again here: One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.

Historical Fiction: This is my favourite genre and I have read loads. But my favourite of the year was Wolf Hall, by Hilary Mantel. The main character is Thomas Cromwell, who rose up through the court of Henry VIII, and the book is mainly about his perspective on the rise of Ann Boleyn up until her marriage to Henry. I am looking forward to reading the sequel, Bringing Up The Bodies. Wolf Hall is clever and quite funny, and with lots of historical detail and great character development - a bit slow - but I loved it.

Other fiction: The Fear Index by Robert Harris. This is a little bit future dystopia/ science fictiony, which I also seem to enjoy for some bizarre reason. Why I like reading about the disasters we are heading towards beats me. Maybe because I dislike the unknown so much, this makes me feel as though I have a glimpse of where we might be going, and how humans will cope with it, at least. Anyway, this one is about a company which runs entirely without paper, and how they develop a process to predict the markets and so manipulate them, and how the computers making this happen become more clever than anyone ever expected... it is a very good read.

Another kind of fiction: The Story of Edgar Sawtelle, by David Wroblewski. This is an epic book that tells the story of the childhood and young adulthood of Edgar Sawtelle. His family are breeders of a unique type of dog, and much of the book centres around the relationship between humans and dogs. I must say, until I became a dog-lover, thanks to Frodo (!), I could not read this book. I was given it ages ago, and I tried, twice. But once I understood how a dog and a person can bond, I loved reading it. It is based on the story of Hamlet, so, yes there is a ghost, and intrigue, and a brother, and rivalry, and Edgar has to leave home and trek through the wilderness... The ending is dramatic and poignant and satisfying all at once. It has a slow beginning, but it is worth persevering as it becomes a very worthwhile, even a wonderful, read.

I have read lots of other good ones, including the first couple of the Corduoroy Mansions series by Alexander McCall Smith, which I had missed before - but they were as enjoyable as all his others -  funny and gentle.

I am always glad of recommendations, so please let me know of any books you think I'd like. or that you have relished. (Thanks Gwyn for writing about yours, which gave me the idea to do the same.)

Joy to.... us!

As you know, I have been on a quest (oh yes, good word), for joy, and peace. I think I have been asking God for those two things, for some years. I feel as though I used to have more of them. As a student I had a reputation for laughing a lot. More than other people. If you have only got to know me since I was older you probably wouldn't even believe that. I think I thought when my thyroid was fixed, my laughing would come back - some of you might remember me talking about that. It did some, but not as much as before - but then, I had young children and a husband and a mortgage and a house that flooded and lived in a place with power cuts and heat and bad roads... and was just less carefree, I suppose. I guess partly, that is just Life.

But part of what prompted me to start writing the list of a thousand gifts, was because I had a conversation with a friend, about how Jonah could find peace even in the stomach of the fish, and so how could I stop getting buffeted and blown around emotionally by my circumstances - and her answer was, to be thankful. Soon after that I read the book One Thousand Gifts, which, among other things said, that to be thankful is the key to joy. So, I started writing my list, and I also started praying for God to place his hedge of protection around me as he had done for Job (at the very beginning of the book) - and I began to feel a difference...

I do feel more peaceful these days, and happy too. But isn't it typical how, on a morning when you are driving along to have lunch with a friend, humming carols, on holiday for the Christmas period now, actually feeling JOY-ful - on that morning, I drove past my turning on the motorway, had to drive about 20 miles out of my way, finally got back on track and followed the Google Maps directions, to find myself on a different Ducie Road - several miles from the one my friends live on, lost, hungry, annoyed, and seething. Ugh.

Now, I heard a very good thing yesterday at work from one of my friends there, who passed on a tip from her training at Hillsong. She said, If you feel overwhelmed and grumpy, it is most likely because you are either tired, or hungry. So try solving those problems first. Great tip. And once I did get to my destination, and had some lunch,  the negative feelings evaporated completely and then I kind of wished I hadn't rung Dan and had a good grumble when I was lost. (Perhaps another tip should be, when you feel overwhelmed and grumpy, don't ring someone.)

I loved the video that went along with the song, "Mary Did You Know" that I posted on here yesterday, because it showed Jesus living so joyfully. At Christmas we often seem to be reminded that Jesus was born among us, born to die. But this video reminded me so strongly that Jesus was also born to live. And he lived joyfully, it seems. Hmm. Great!

Last night at Abigail's wonderful carol service in Gloucester Cathedral, the choir sang Benjamin Britten's song (which was based on some 15th century words) "This Little Babe" - which is amazing. But the last two lines struck me the most:
"If thou wilt foil thy foes with joy,
Then flit not from this heavenly Boy!"

Another great tip for joyful living!

Celebrating Jesus, Born to Live

The Twelve Days of Christmas

Last year I didn't give much thought to Christmas ahead of time, and it just kind of happened to me.

But this year, I am LOVING the build-up to Christmas. We were given a beautiful Christmas tree and we have decorated it and the whole house. I've already done our Christmas cards, sent off a couple of presents, bought stuff for the children's stockings and for Dan's stocking. We've invited people for a carol-singing evening next Saturday... I've even bought most of the food for Christmas lunch. Now what shall I do?!!

OK I haven't actually done all that much reflecting and repenting yet... maybe I should make some time for that.

We have been given the most lovely gift this year. On 1st December, Alex opened the door to go out and said, "Mum, why's there a chicken outside the door?" "A chicken? A live one?" "No, a plucked one." Sure enough, there was an oven-ready chicken on the doorstep, along with a branch on which were hanging two pears. And a note that said, "On the 1st day of Christmas, my true love gave to me..."

Then every day after that we have been given another gift in keeping with the song. Day two - two bottles of Dove handsoap with turtle pictures stuck on them. Day three - three packs of chicken kiev. Day four - a CD of a four girl band, Little Mix. Day five - a bag with five bars of chocolate in, and the olympic rings stuck on it in gold paper. Day six - six eggs. Day seven - seven boxes of Swan Vesta matches on a blue tissue "pond". Day eight - 8 bars of milk chocolate called "Milka". Day nine - nine narrow white candles with holders. Day ten - ten chocolate frogs. Day eleven - a set of piping nozzles for decorating a cake. Day twelve - we left out a card to say Thank You and Happy Christmas and some cookies in a box - and nothing came!!! Oh no!! Not sure what has happened...!

But the gifts have been so fun, creative, and generous. We have loved it. And, we have no idea who it is all from. We have asked various suspects, but everyone denies it. To me, as well as being so fun, it has been a sign to me of God's love - somebody being so kind and generous to us and not telling us even who they are, just wanting us to feel loved, I guess - and it has done exactly that for me. Whoever you are... Thank You So Much!!!

Missing Uganda...

I don't know whether it was seeing the Africa Children's Choir last week, which didn't make me cry but it did make me feel very nostalgic... or whether it was eating chapatis last night at our neighbour John Itumu's induction as vicar at St Catherines church... or because at the service, we sat with two Ugandan students and several African ladies, who ululated and clapped and carried on like Ugandans do at all the exciting points of the service (while the Brits sat formally and politely)...

But late in the evening, Alex came down looking very sad, and actually cried, for the first time since we left Uganda, saying that he missed Uganda and when could we go back?

And then, I dreamed a long dream about being in Mukono... I dreamed that Abby bartels was showing me round all the new buildings that had gone up since we left, and strangely there was an inlet from the sea at one part of the campus, and huge wild waves were crashing in and splashing high up against the cliffs. It was scary watching them.

And in the dream I clearly, truly felt the hot Ugandan sunshine pouring onto my arms and face, and I stopped and held out my arms and soaked it in, telling Abby that this was what I felt the lack of the most in England... Maybe the duvet was covering my face!

And when I woke up I felt a bit sad and confused for a while, until the new day took over.

This, after a year and a half.

Rescued

I had a Uganda moment yesterday.

Late morning, I parked outside a small supermarket, the Co-op, went in to buy a few necessaries, came out - and found my car leaning ominously down on its back haunch. Flat tyre.

My immediate thought was, "Oh bother, I'm not in Uganda any more!" Because the numerous times I had punctures in Uganda (and in Zimbabwe), somebody always appeared at the roadside, walked over and offered to help, fixed it in very short shrift, accepted some small amount of money and disappeared again. In fact, once, I phoned Dan from beside the Kampala Road at 7.45 am, because I had had a puncture and I had two small children in the back of the car, and even though I know HOW to change a wheel, I couldn't even lift a Prado wheel off the ground. Dan's reply - "Don't worry-  somebody will show up and help you soon." Shocking as this show of unspousely lack of concern might well seem... and much as your husbands would probably have jumped in a neighbour's car and rushed to the scene to rescue you... of course he was right, and the minute I hung up the phone, two men sloped up and offered to help me.

Once when I hit a huge pothole and got a flat tyre literally in the middle of nowhere, when we hadn't seen a mud hut nor a village for miles and miles and miles, when we had been driving along a dirt road passing nothing but dried brown grass and tall red anthills for hours, not even seeing a person on a bike for ever - even then, three men appeared from the bush and changed the wheel for us.

But in England, that does not happen. Here you have to change your own tyre... I opened the back and poked around under the flooring thing, and managed to locate the spare and the jack. I pulled out the jack a bit pathetically, thinking, "Oh dear, it's a long time since I did this..." (twenty years?)

But then, up came a cheery-looking chap with a beanie on. "You look like you're struggling with that!"
It was one of our Redcliffe students, Graham, who is even in Dan's tutor group! I felt like an angel had just appeared! I could have kissed him!

In ten minutes he had changed the wheel and I was back on the road...

Another one for my list!! A big one.

Eucharisteo, tatenda, sankyo, webale nyo, thank you

Since I read One Thousand Gifts and started writing a list of a thousand thank yous, I keep coming across other people mentioning or elaborating on the art of gratitude. It is always true that when you come upon something once, you hear it mentioned again three times soon after. Your ears are more open to hear it, maybe. Obviously Ann Voskamp's theme of gratitude changing everything and being the key to joy, is not a new one, although her book is amazing and does seem to have triggered a new "movement of gratitude" among many. (She was listed recently in Christianity Today as one of the fifty most influential women presently in North America.)

But the theme goes back all the way to... Jesus himself.

You can always of course go back to the ancient chorus, "Count your blessings, name them one by one..."

More personally, my friend Abby mentioned in a recent post entitled "Grateful", a quote from George Herbert:

“Thou that hast given so much to me give me one thing more, a grateful heart: not thankful when it pleaseth me, as if Thy blessings had spare days, but such a heart whose pulse may be Thy praise.”
A heart whose pulse may be Thy praise. Am I getting there?? I would love to be there.

I read in Maryjane's blog that the Women's Fellowship in Mukono recently had an evening on gratitude.

Another friend put this quote on facebook:
"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow."-- Melody Beattie

Then someone else whose blog I read, Simon Guillebaud, who works in Burundi, blogged recently on "Grateful to be Hungry" - explaining that he was thankful to be well enough to make a fast, which he hasn't been able to do for a while. He went on to list eleven things he is also grateful for and ended with the words, 

"Oh, the list could go on, but just writing those few ones down makes me feel even more grateful. Give it a go!"

I am on number 173 of my list, and I enjoy writing it and also looking back at what I've written. Abby and Alex keep wanting to look at it, and today Alex asked if he could make his own list!

These are a couple of the things I have listed recently: 

- SO thankful that our house in Longford narrowly escaped flooding last week - the water lapped on the other side of the road...

- Playing Scrabble tonight with Alex! (He was really good and didn't need help. Help!)

- A fun evening making chilli jam with friends

- Our warm winter duvet

- Abby and Alex having friends who invite them to fun things like football matches and the ski slope.

Well, you probably don't want to read all 173!! But, I am grateful for all the good things in our lives.....

Movember

One of the fun, weird, English things we (by "we" I mean Dan) have been able to join in with this year is "Movember". Men from every walk of life grow moustaches in November, and get sponsored for it, and the money goes to a couple of cancer charities, specifically research into and care for prostate cancer patients. Redcliffe staff together raised about 600 pounds which is great.

Some men looked more or less normal, while others purposely grew silly moustaches, and one Redcliffe guy dyed his pink for the last day. One female student wore a stick-on moustache for some of the month because she felt left out...

Dan grew his biker moustache which I find quite cute...

(better than the Tom Selleck one from his past... )

Storm and sun

Abigail took this picture. It speaks to me of how we live in our small houses in this big world, where storm clouds roll and pile overhead and overwhelm, but the sun still rises, it finds a way, and shines through, eventually, every time. And for that I am thankful.

I don't know if this is a very good poem, but, it helped me in the past and I thought of it when I saw Abby's pictures today:

God has not promised
sun without rain
joy without sorrow
peace without pain.

But God has promised

strength for the day,
rest for the labour,
light for the way,
grace for the trials,
help from above,
unfailing sympathy,
undying love.

by Kevin Mayhew.

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. A seasonal thought!

Mum and Winter

This is actually Abby writing today. Mum wanted someone to write something, so I volunteered.

I thought I would write about Mum in Winter. There are lots of things Mum would like to do instead of facing the cold outdoors.
1. Hibernate like a little animal.
2. Grow a big, fluffy coat like Frodo.
3. Stay in bed and drink a few hundred cups of tea.
4. Curl up by a fire like a cat.
5. Migrate to Uganda for the Winter, like a bird.

She cannot seem to enjoy Winter. In fact, technically it isn't even Winter yet, and she is wearing about fifteen layers. Me and Alex said that if she wore all her warm clothes now when it is still autumn weather, then when it gets freezing she won't have any warm clothes left, and she will be really cold.
She said that she wouldn't wear all her clothes, but she has failed. She is even wearing a huge fluffy hat which Frodo thinks is a dead rabbit.

Last Winter she spent too much time worrying about was the cold, and she said that she would try to enjoy it this year, but when I asked everybody what they were looking forward to about Winter Alex said: ice skating, Dad said: All the jolly people doing Christmas shopping, I said: snow, (I don't think Frodo really cares as long as he gets a walk) But Mum said: wearing jumpers and lighting the fire. She obviously isn't jumping for joy at the thought of sledging and snowball fights.

It's a bit ironic that she is the only one that grew up in this dreary English weather, and she is the only one complaining now.
It is my mission to make her enjoy this Winter.

(And it doesn't help that the heating has broken down...)

Decision in Harare

Eleven years ago our family left Zimbabwe at short notice, because our contracts were terminated by the newly elected, pro-the president, anti-evangelical, anti-white bishop of Harare, Nolbert Kunonga.

He had proved himself within a few months to be a political appointment, there to promote Mugabe's interests. He locked up churches which had been allowing the opposition MDC to have their meetings in their church halls, he demoted all kinds of good clergy, he got rid of whites and evangelicals in various ways, he usurped large funds from various churches which were designated for other purposes, he took and used various church's cars, he threatened our students, he had the war veterans send a death threat to a clergy who wouldn't allow him to take church money... His wife put a stop to the clergy wives conference that I had been running for years at our theological college - which had been s special time of fellowship for all of us. He put his nephew in as principal of the theological college although that man was also the dean of the cathedral at the same time.  Without going into any more  details, we did support one church which tried to hold a kind of protest, and so we were "terminated."

At that time, we had already formed a connection with Redcliffe College, and so we were able to come here as Visiting Lecturers for a year, which was completely providential for us as a family.

Well, in 2007 Kunonga announced that he was taking the Zimbabwean Anglican church out of the Anglican Communion, and setting up a new Province in Zimbabwe. He made himself its "archbishop" and he made four of his friends, "bishops." Because of this action, the Church of the Province of Central Africa (the part of the Anglican Communion Zimbabwe is in) ex-communicated him. It seemed like the problem should be over... but, it was really only beginning.

Soon the CPCA elected a bishop to replace him in Harare, Sebastian Bakare. But Kunonga said his ex-communication was invalid, he was still bishop of Harare, and so he wouldn't move out of the bishops residence, nor would he stop leading services in the cathedral.

Unfortunately he took it to court, and the court said, it was a church matter, but since they couldn't sort it out amongst themselves, (grr), the judge decreed that the Kunonga people could use the churches for half the morning and the Bakare people could use them for the other half. This seemed to be OK, but then, Kunonga broke the ruling, wouldn't leave churches, and even had police and war vets go into the other services and break them up. As for the cathedral, he chained up its doors, and he held services in there himself - with his tiny following of about six clergy and their families.

Sadly the police gave him their muscle for political reasons - once police went into a Mothers Union meeting with about 500 lovely ladies, some pretty elderly, in their blue and white outfits, and literally beat them up with sticks, and dragged them out of the church by their clothes.

Eventually the "real" Anglicans were only able to have their services in school buildings and even out in the open. A church in exile, in their own city.

Meanwhile Kunonga was rewarded by the President by being given one of the farms taken from white farmers outside Harare, which he promptly moved into...

Our friend and former principal of the theological college was elected Bishop of Harare when Bakare retired, and so he had to take the lead against this renegade. He did well in raising prayer support from Christians all over the world, and he is such a godly, gentle man himself, everyone who knows him loves him. We worried for him, and prayed for him.

Kunonga's next move was to take away the leadership of the Anglican orphanage in Harare, and give it to again his own people. And at the same time, he claimed that all the rectories belonged to him, and so, he gave them all to the clergy he had ordained himself. So, friends and former students of ours who were clergy in the church under Bishop Chad, came home one weekend to find intruders had moved into their houses and put all their stuff outside - and in one case, the clergyman's elderly mother who had refused to leave the house, had been taken and held in police cells. I believe Bp Chad went and spent the time in the cells with her to support her, as well as getting lawyers involved.

Finally there was a much longed for court case, put forward by the real Anglican church (CPCA), to have Kunonga stopped, but sadly, the judge after hearing the first day, then failed to show up again and concluded that he could not make a ruling. That was about three years ago.

But this week, at last, the Supreme Court for the first time heard the case - and the ruling was made on Tuesday, that Kunonga had removed himself from the church back in 2007, and so he had forfeited the right to any claim on church property, vehicles, money, institutions, and rectories. In other words, he doesn't have a leg to stand on as far as the court is concerned. They have said to him, "Get Packing", as one headline put it.

Woooooohooooooo!!! I mean, Praise The Lord!!!!!

He has been given until Friday to move out of all the buildings, the cathedral, and to hand back all the rectories and vehicles.

I do not know what will happen. No doubt he is furious. Much as we, Dan and I and all our friends in Zimbabwe who are in the Anglican church, including our former students there (several of whom we are in touch with) are rejoicing - we are also praying for what will happen over the next few days.

Please if you do, pray for our friend Bishop Chad and for other clergy and their families who will now hopefully be able to move into their old homes, hold services in their churches, and begin to sort things out.

Nature In Art in Gloucester

Two of the very best things in life, I'm sure you'll agree, are nature and art. So when you come across a place that combines the two, a gallery called Nature In Art, you have to love it. And, take out an annual family membership, right?

Nature in Art is set in an interesting Victorian mansion, in beautiful wild gardens just a couple of miles outside Gloucester.

As well as having a permanent collection of some outstanding art, including one of the well-known elephant paintings by the British artist David Shepherd, they have temporary exhibitions, and also an artist in residence for a week at a time, whom you can watch at work in a studio and talk to for however long you want. Also in the wild and ranging gardens there are all kinds of sculptures, some modern, some "junk metal", some more traditional, which you literally stumble upon as you wander. And a cute and arty shop as well as a cafe, of course. And they run occasional art courses there and one-day activities for children. 

We have been there several times before (I found it in my first ever week in Gloucester). But we went again this week because they were displaying the British Wildlife Photographer of the Year competition entries and winners - which meant we saw some incredible photographs, including a cricket in mid-jump, a melee of gannets diving underwater surrounded by bubbles, and many more. Abby and Alex weren't at all sure that photography could be called art - until they saw the photographs. 

The Eye That Cries

Not really feeling well - I have a cold.... waaaaaaaahhhhh. But sitting in bed with my computer so I might as well write what I have been thinking about the last few days. Even if it might be a bit fuzzy like my head.

So on Tuesday I went to hear Joel Edwards speak about Justice as the Mission of God. He is such a good speaker, very engaging, warm, persuasive, positive... and he packs a lot in. He was the Director of Evangelical Alliance for ten years and is now head of the Micah Challenge, which bases its work on the verse in Micah 6:8 which I wrote about before.

He said just what I used to think, that many Christians see justice as a hobby horse for some, like the environment used to be (?) seen too. But his main point was, that justice should be part of the Christian life we live, for all of us, just as much as our personal devotion. He said that we have tended to make Christianity a matter of private relationship with God, but it should equally be a matter of a public citizenship in the world.

He said how we love to talk about the holiness and righteousness God requires of us, but we don't focus much on the justice, which is also and equally there. And that they should be integrated as the way we live out the Christian life, and not in three separate boxes.

Righteousness and justice are the foundation of your throne. Ps 89:14

Micah Challenge have put together a dvd package called The Jesus Agenda, which is a resource for home groups and churches or anyone else to use, to think through issues of justice and how we can live more integratedly like this.

We saw one small section of it, and one thing we saw impacted me greatly. The section was set in Lima, Peru, and how a group there work with the poor and also in the wealthy communities, to bring in more community and unity. The film crew visited a monument in Lima called El Ojo que Llora = the Eye that Cries - which is a stone sculpture, surrounded by a labyrinth of stones each with the name and dates of a person who died/disappeared during the years of the Shining Path resistance movement, between 1980 and 2000. About 70,000 were killed altogether on both sides of the conflict. The black stone in the centre of the monument has water constantly pouring from it - the eye that cries.

The monument moved me so much because it reminded me powerfully that God weeps when there is violence and hostility. It makes God mourn when there is injustice, when innocent people die. He weeps over the many many deaths in every conflict. How can I be so hard and dry-eyed? Is there anything I can, should, be doing to bring more peace, reconciliation, justice, in my sphere of the world at least?

You're on a what?

I could put it down to my age - having passed 45 - or to my tablets - or to my rather sedentary job - or to the fact that I have been allowing myself to eat whatever I wanted for the last six months... Whatever the cause, I am afraid I have started to... bulge. Like when you are blowing up a new balloon and it holds its tension until suddenly, one lump pops out, and then it all gives way and the balloon fills with air. So my waist skin, jaw skin, upper arm skin, and other bits too, managed to hold the surface tension for quite some time, until suddenly... plop... I started to, frankly, bulge.

The day that I had to rush out of work at lunchtime to buy the next size up of trousers, because my tummy was so uncomfortable in my normal ones, that was the day I realised something had to be done.

I have never worried about my weight or really thought about it, and I have always eaten pretty much whatever I felt like. So for me to embark on a diet was a bit of a shock. But luckily enough, I came across an ad on facebook for a book entitled The Gabriel Method - the revolutionary DIET-FREE way to transform your body. Excellent! It promised you can lose weight without dieting, eating whatever you want!

So I bought the book, and in a few nutshells, this is what it says:

• Weight is all in the mind - either your body reacts to stress by staying thin ( ready to flee), or by gaining weight - (storing up fat for future shortage) - so you have to persuade your mind that you need to stay thin for your own good, and that, there is no shortage to fear, so no need to store fat. 
• So, brainwash yourself by listening to Mr Gabriel's CD at bedtime each night, whilst visualising yourself as a thin person, saying to yourself "Thin is good, thin is OK, thin is safe," and such.
• If you diet as in, deny yourself any food at all, your brain will think that your body is being deprived of something it needs, so, your body will start to store fats from what you do eat. So the key is to eat what you want, so that the body feels safe. (sounds good so far...)
• Eat plenty of healthy food with all the vitamins you need, seeds, nuts, fruit and veg, etc, so that your body is in fact getting everything it needs - so that it will have a sense of well-being and not need to store up fat or urge you to eat more. This way you will slowly stop craving unhealthy foods, sugar etc to give you energy you were lacking.
• Then some stuff about your Chi which I skipped over...
• The some advice about eating flaxseed every day for Omega 3, eating brown sugar and flour instead of white, avoiding processed, prepacked food, eating "live" fresh organic food, avoiding toxins and additives...
• Then two more chapters which I skipped over...

I concluded that the book is a bit of a mixture, and that while it has some good ideas, as a whole it is not for me...

So I am trying a hotch-potch approach, and if it works, I will call it the Button Method.

We have always eaten a balanced diet with plenty of vegetables, but now I am intentionally eating some healthy things every day, like a piece of fruit, a handful of sunflower seeds, and adding milled flaxseed to almost everything I cook. I am also calorie counting... I have never calorie counted in my life. I honestly never knew how many calories were in anything. So it has been quite interesting finding out. For example, I now know that a banana has 95 calories in it, while a bowlful of apple crisp has 350!!

But sticking to the 1800 calories a day is really not at all hard. It mainly means not eating between meals, and not blowing out on crisps or loads of biscuits. One choccie biscuit or other treat in a day seems to be no problem. 

Now I need to add in some exercise, I suppose. Sadly, Billy Blanks and Tae Bo went out the window months ago. I can't imagine having the energy to jump around the sitting room right now... Maybe just walking Frodo a bit more briskly is all that's needed.

Well, here's to fitting back into those old trousers... 

A Gorgeous, Sunshiny November Afternoon

Today there was time for my favourite walk of all with Frodo...

We started off at Over Farm (owned by distant cousins of mine),

... passing the now wild strawberry fields, leaves turned autumn red...

... up the lane towards the scary oak...

...  furry Old Man's Beard in the hedge...

... and, unexpectedly, masses of spindle berries, (I had to look them up)...

Naughty, waggy-tailed Frodo ran ahead into the woods, only stopping to look back and then run on...

... loving the sun shining onto a maple tree...

... and highlighting Gloucester Cathedral, a heavenly building pointing up to heaven ...

We were ten minutes late picking up Alex from school, but, it was worth it.

Just thoughts

This is going to be very much half-formed and I will hope to feel clearer on these things as time goes by...

Last week in our small group we were thinking about the well-known and very helpful words, "What more does the Lord require of you, but to act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God?" If we are only asked to do these three things (which, granted, are very broad), then, they must be highly important in God's eyes. The so-called Golden Rule is very similar if you think about it: "Love God, and love your neighbour as yourself".

So, acting justly is the first thing required. And yet, for many Christians, justice is seen as a kind of hobby-horse for some, like green issues are for others. I think. Lots of evangelical Christians would see spreading the gospel as more important than fighting for justice in the world. But, here it is in black and white as the very first requirement.

When we discussed the implications of the words for us (asking the question, So what? as in So what does this mean for us?) -  we talked a lot about shopping ethically, Fairtrade etc, and about treating everyone equally and kindly in our daily lives, not wasting resources, and we moaned a bit about the unfair secondary school system in this country and how we don't think we should use our children as tools for the gospel so we go along with the coaching for the grammar schools test etc etc. But then I think we felt a bit stuck. I made the comment that in Uganda, it was so easy to see the justice issues, they were in our faces every day: low pay, people with zero opportunity to escape poverty, injustice in the courts and at the hands of the police, bribery, and the list could go on. And living there, we could on a daily basis do a little bit, to help a few people. Whilst here, on the surface there is a pretty high standard of justice for most people: a fair minimum wage, healthcare paid for by taxes so that it is available to all, schooling for everyone, social services of all kinds to protect the voiceless and disadvantaged.

Apart from buying fairtrade products, and signing a few petitions on facebook(...!), and maybe supporting a child through Compassion, what else should Christians in say England be doing?

Dan and I have made friends with some Redcliffe colleagues, Andy and Carol Kingston-Smith, who have set up a justice inititative called JusTice, with a webpage which seeks to network about all kinds of international and UK justice issues, and also holds seminars from time to time, and they also teach an MA course on Justice in Mission at Redcliffe. This is the link to their blog:
http://justiceadvocacyandmission.wordpress.com/author/akingstonsmith/

So I sat beside Andy at lunch at Redcliffe on Thursday, and told him about our group's discussion. Understandably, he rolled his eyes somewhat, and pointed out that the fact that often Christians are SO unaware of all the justice issues all around us, is a huge part of the problem. In fact he referred to it as the great sin of omission in our time. By being woolly and unaware, we are not just being woolly and unaware, we are actually sinning.

Now I begin to defend myself! I have signed up to their blog and read some of the articles (being honest). I did live in Africa and did a bit to help in Africa's development through higher education. I do try to buy ethically, locally, and not wastefully. I am interested in justice for women, equality, and in preserving the environment for future generations (if there are going to be any).

But I am in no way an "activist"nor am I very well versed in politics, asylum issues, labour issues, etc etc.

And, whilst the Bible is very clear that our God is a just God, who clearly desires and requires justice of us, there are also some ambiguous bits, like the parable of the workers in the vineyard where the farmer pays the workers as he decides and not according to how many hours they had worked, and, Jesus saying, "The poor you will always have with you" as if we don't have to work our socks off to eliminate poverty. But then again, Jesus was born amongst the poor, and mainly ministered among them. And the song of Mary says: "The poor he fills with good things while the rich walk empty away." The first shall be last and the last first. It is harder for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven than a camel to go through the eye of a needle. The upside-down kingdom (I need to read that book.)

But I think there is going to be a new me! I am a convert to the Micah principal. What more does the Lord require of us, after all?

I would be very interested to hear any of your comments, by email if not on here,  - any light you can shed, or suggestions for living "justly" in our western societies...

Future = present shock

Dan and I went to see a film last night at the cinema  - Looper, a sci-fi future dsytopia type of movie, which we usually, strangely, quite like. But this whole "entertainment" left me feeling a bit yucky, not only about the film but the human condition in general.

For one thing, the ads that came before the film felt to me as though they were advertising a life still surely years ahead of ours. Three of the ads were for computer games - all fast moving, fingers brushing screens, "How many people would YOU kill, to save one?", large-jawed men bearing giant guns. Horrible. Another was for a better-than-ever smart phone with a screen going right out to the edges. Two seemed to be telling complicated stories that left me baffled as to what was actually being advertised.

Then the film itself... it told the story of a young man living in 2044, - and life by then is like the world of Blade Runner, depressed, frightening, streets broken up with trash lying around everywhere, everyone on drugs... - and how gangs in the even further future have hijacked time-travel machines, are kidnapping their targets and sending them back in time to be shot dead by their hired assassins in that time - including the "hero" - whom we see shooting many of these hooded, tied-up victims as they appear from the future. One day, he finds that the victim who appears is his own future self, who manages to escape... sounds like a good story, and it is clever, but... Are we humans really set to descend into this kind of violent, hopeless, threatening future? And if not, why are so many films made with this kind of story-line? Are we that depressed about the human trajectory? Or is it only the movie-makers who are?

Many parts of our world are already like it to some extent, though, and many people do live in fear, and I am just thankful I live in a generally safe country, in a time of peace. (Another thing to thank God for!)

I came away feeling like I wanted to go off into a forest and kick through piles of leaves and breathe in good clean country air, watch birds, and feel the peace and wholesomeness of nature. Get away from everything man-made, which is apparently devolving into slim, shiny black and silver rectangles with curved corners and HD screens that suck us in via our finger tips, bigger cars, taller and sleeker buildings, cynicism and mutual distrust, and guns. I don't think I like the way the human race is going...
I sound so old, I know...!

My fantasy of the future is to live in a stone cottage on Dartmoor, by a stream, growing food and raising chickens, (with a Baker to kill and pluck them of course, and a Florence too!) - reading books by an open fire, - not on my own but with family, and friends close enough to see often, maybe a pony to ride, Frodo of course... sigh...

But maybe the future will be something in between. I wonder what God thinks of the way our race is going. I wonder at what point he will intervene. I hope heaven will be Dartmoor, not a shiny steely city...

"From Surviving to Thriving" (thanks Gwyn!)

This is a re-post from a friend, Gwyn's, blog: she worked with us in Uganda for five years and returned to the US earlier this year - stopping off to stay with us for a few days on the way. She is quoting it from a website called expatwomen.com. It seems to me that these are very helpful suggestions. I should have read them a year ago! Some I have discovered for myself and others not so much...:

From Surviving To Thriving

Here are my five tips to help move you from surviving to thriving as a repatriate:

1.	Follow Your Joy.  If there was ever a time to take care of yourself, it is now. Each day, ask yourself what will bring you joy and do it. Your joy path shall be sacred and nothing shall hinder you from fulfilling it each day. It can be as simple as spending five quiet moments in silence, taking a walk or calling a friend, but you must set aside time for this as a non-negotiable.
2.	Pace of Grace.  Maintain a pace that is sustainable as you acclimate to your new surroundings. Do not go chasing after the wind. You may have an unlimited number of choices for entertainment and activities, but withhold from signing up for everything until you have your bearings secure. Be an observer while you settle-in. Rest. Be easy on yourself and on others in your family.
3.	Refuge.  Regardless of whether you are single or have a family, you need to have a refuge to return to. Create a sacred center within the context of a physical or emotional/spiritual place to be your refuge or resting place.
4.	Make Local Connections.  A clever strategy whether you move home or abroad, is to always befriend at least one local person, find one local place and find one local activity where you can connect locally to help you during your first year. Focus on finding at least one of each when you repatriate: you can always add more later.
5.	One Year.  Prepare yourself for at least a one-year adjustment period. It may take longer, but the one-year mark is a good opportunity to reevaluate what else you might need to make your new home, truly feel like home.

Autumn

After writing a bit desperately about the change of seasons this time last year, I have to admit, I am feeling a bit excited about this autumn. I realise that it is quite good fun that the world changes around me every few months. And as opposed to last winter when I might be excused for thinking that winter and darkness had come for ever... this year I know that Spring will definitely come, all is temporary... 

 

 

Rocky Road - not only an ice cream

Looking back over the year and a bit since we left Uganda, it feels like it has been quite an up-and-down experience.  

We have so much to thank God for and we feel so much more settled than even a few months ago. But we still feel different somehow than the people around us who have not moved back from abroad. (Does everybody feel different though from everyone else?) And the other day, I had a little flashback to standing at my kitchen sink in Uganda, feet bare on the cement floor, looking out onto the rampant green and shocking pink bougainvillaea, with a sunbird hovering, bright sun-filled sky above, and I thought, I will never stand at that window again, I - am - not - going - back... And a little pang or twinge of sadness washed through me. 

But my rational mind doesn't really want to come back to Uganda. It's just that it was our home for eight years, it was familiar, and warm. 

But I do feel as though I have a life here now - people come round, phone me, I help with things, we have a church we love, I know where to shop... It really does take time, and time just has to go by until the things we need to have in place around us slowly build up and develop.

Recently some friends who live just around the corner from us, who were also formerly missios, in Bolivia, hosted us and two other returnee families for a bring and share meal, - one of the couples is very recently back,  and still feeling quite raw and new I would say. Our friends who hosted returned about six years ago. The fourth couple returned six months ago. Each of us had a different set of circumstances: for example, one couple returned to their old house and church, whilst we were new in the town and had to find a church, one couple bought a house on a visit before they moved back, one got their children into schools successfully from abroad, one (us) didn't!, (but boy did we try!), one bought all new furniture here in England, one brought everything with them from abroad... We all tackled our return in different ways. But for all of us, it has been a rocky road. And still is, to some extent.

Thinking back, just the feeling of being new, and not knowing how to do simple things, is trying. Especially if you lived abroad long enough to feel pretty confident in your country of residence. And not knowing your way around the city. And not having your support group whom you have depended on for a long time around any more. Starting over, in every way.

And really, it is just a matter of time. So, you have to be patient, and give yourself a lot of grace.