We have so much to thank God for and we feel so much more settled than even a few months ago. But we still feel different somehow than the people around us who have not moved back from abroad. (Does everybody feel different though from everyone else?) And the other day, I had a little flashback to standing at my kitchen sink in Uganda, feet bare on the cement floor, looking out onto the rampant green and shocking pink bougainvillaea, with a sunbird hovering, bright sun-filled sky above, and I thought, I will never stand at that window again, I - am - not - going - back... And a little pang or twinge of sadness washed through me.
But my rational mind doesn't really want to come back to Uganda. It's just that it was our home for eight years, it was familiar, and warm.
But I do feel as though I have a life here now - people come round, phone me, I help with things, we have a church we love, I know where to shop... It really does take time, and time just has to go by until the things we need to have in place around us slowly build up and develop.
Recently some friends who live just around the corner from us, who were also formerly missios, in Bolivia, hosted us and two other returnee families for a bring and share meal, - one of the couples is very recently back, and still feeling quite raw and new I would say. Our friends who hosted returned about six years ago. The fourth couple returned six months ago. Each of us had a different set of circumstances: for example, one couple returned to their old house and church, whilst we were new in the town and had to find a church, one couple bought a house on a visit before they moved back, one got their children into schools successfully from abroad, one (us) didn't!, (but boy did we try!), one bought all new furniture here in England, one brought everything with them from abroad... We all tackled our return in different ways. But for all of us, it has been a rocky road. And still is, to some extent.
Thinking back, just the feeling of being new, and not knowing how to do simple things, is trying. Especially if you lived abroad long enough to feel pretty confident in your country of residence. And not knowing your way around the city. And not having your support group whom you have depended on for a long time around any more. Starting over, in every way.
And really, it is just a matter of time. So, you have to be patient, and give yourself a lot of grace.
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