Woman Returner

I just found out that this is a term for women who go "back to work" after taking several years "off"  during the baby and young children phase. There is so much that could be said about that statement... But my point is about the returning - to the formal workplace, shall we say.

Last November I started working as the librarian at WTC (Westminster Theological Centre) - which runs theology courses, taught in teaching centres dotted all over the UK.

In the beginning I had a lot to learn, since much of the job is computer-based, using Excel and an on-line cataloging system which I did not know before. And it was the first time I have ever worked in an office situation for any length of time. I have done some temp-ing jobs in offices before, which were always different and interesting in their own ways, but only for a few days so I didn't have to invest myself in them really at all. (But I have some funny stories from those jobs though...)

So this has been a whole new experience for me. In one way I wasn't exactly a "Woman Returner" because I had been teaching a bit and ordering books and helping run a library in Uganda, so I wasn't purely the at-home Mum. But, there is a big shock for the returning "missionary wife" who I believe comes into a category all of her own.

All my life in Africa I viewed myself as the missionary, not the missionary wife. I went out to Zambia to work full time, and even when I had babies, after maternity leave I worked full time because childcare was so affordable, lovely, and so do-able in that my babies and "Amai" came with me to work.

But when we were in Uganda with slightly older children, and I was trying to do an hour-long school trip, drive home and lecture, as well as everything else I was involved with, I reached a point of extreme tiredness, irritability, and disaffection with Uganda and mission - and I came down with shingles, and finally I decided I had to stop working for a while. I took a few terms off teaching, lived the ex-pat life a bit, had coffee with other school mums in town, took up art classes, and then did a writing course, and life became more manageable. Especially when other families joined in the school commute, and basically saved my bacon!

Then after a while I did begin to go back to teaching, but I kept it quite minimal, one course per semester, and I still hosted a women's students' group and helped with the Children's Library, so I was making various contributions, but not pushing myself. And that was how I finished out my time in Uganda.

With the Daycare children (including Mary Bartels), at the UCU Children's Library

How much a missionary wife with young children and a long school commute should also work, is a question many of us have tried to sort out. You are there because you want to help, you have been called to help, and you are being supported by people back home to help - who might even have expectations of you - but you also have to not burn out, (which I think I nearly did),  and you also have your unavoidable and overarching role of caring for your children and your husband, who might also be pushing himself to burn-out point in some cases.

And just being a mum of small children in a developing country which is not originally your home, with no grandparents or aunties around, (only adopted ones, which are also great...), is stretching and draining at times.

So, we all make our own choices and hopefully find sustainable ways of doing the work we feel we are supposed to do while also surviving and even, enjoying! the life we have been given in Africa.

If you are reading this and you are not a missionary (a what?!!) and are not in Uganda or elsewhere because of the peculiar belief that we are there to do stuff to "help," to play a part in showing God's love for people and the world, which is what took me to Africa in the first place, - then you will think we have our knickers in a twist probably, but, you will most likely have your version of the dilemma of working and being a mum - and we all see a need to contribute anyway don't we? and to be busy and to be useful, competent people and not just loll about at home (tempting though that is...) So, I'm sure you get it.

Anyway, the point is, that then when you return to "normal" paid employment in your home country, suddenly everything is very different. For one thing, you are being paid for your time and work, to do a job which has to be done, and therefore you have to achieve what you are being paid to achieve. It is no longer a case of, whatever I do will be useful, and appreciated. Not that what you do matters more, or less actually, but, it is simply being expected of you, and you have to be able to do it - so that's quite a different kind of pressure.

Secondly, if you have been out of the developed world for quite a while, or if you have been outside of a technological environment, you will find that everything has changed and so there is a lot to learn, and people will expect rapid responses to emails, appearance right on time at work, all kinds of techie skills, and there are no excuses like, the power is off, or the internet is off, or, we had visitors. (Not that I would have ever used those as excuses...!)

Thirdly, and crucially, you do not get people saying "Well done for the work!" or "Thank you for the love!" at various points in your day.

Fourthly, there are a lot less public holidays.

I am so fortunate that I work with really lovely people who are supportive, kind, and friendly. But I joined this company at a time when it was moving offices, and going through changes, and everyone was quite preoccupied with all of that. And I had to desk hop for about two months, which didn't help. And I was at the peak of my stress and anxiety about everything. So, it was a pretty rough two or three months, I would say, where although I was so thankful to have this job and loved the people there, I also found it very stressful for quite a while. But it is great now.

So, this is meant to be a word of encouragement to the "Returnee Returner" - going back to the workplace is a bit rough at first, - expect it to be - , but keep going, don't panic, trust in your past capabilities and in the abilities you know God has given you, pray!, and it will all be OK in the end!