Mum to Frodo - friend or foe? By Abby

I think we've all heard just how much Mum loves Frodo. A lot. But when he wags his tail for her, or follows her round the house is it just because he's hoping that she'll go soft and give him a treat? or that she'll take him out on a walk by the river where he can run away from us and make me chase him barefooted for half an hour (as was the case one evening)? I don't know. Lets have a look at the facts and figures of the matter.

1. Mum gives him endless hugs, cuddles and kisses, but just because he gives me a long, pleading look over her shoulder when she lifts him up onto her lap, or gives out a huge, heavy sigh when she squeezes him tight, does that mean that he doesn't like it?










      See what i mean? PROOF.









2. I know Frodo howls when I play the piano, but (I hope) it's not because of my playing. However, I wonder if he thinks mum is just downright CRAZY when she takes his paws in her hands, and dances round the kitchen with him singing:

                                                       "Oh, Frodo how I love you!
                                                          Frodo I love you sooo....."

We all have the occasional sing-song in Frodo's favor, but I think mum just beats us all.

3. I have so far stated some facts, but now lets talk figures. As I'm sure you all know, Mum has been doing this 1000 gifts thing. But, I doubt she's mentioned just how many of her 620 (so far) gifts are about Frodo: 30. It might not seem much, but it means that 20 percent of her gifts are about Frodo. (blame the internets calculator if that's wrong). some of which are:

• Frodo's waggy-waggy tail
• Frodo's fluffiness
• cuddling Frodo
• the fun of clipping Frodo 
• and just "Frodo" in general. 

Do you think he realizes what embarrassing things she's been writing? I doubt it.


4. One of the things she wrote was "the fun of clipping Frodo." I have to admit it was funny, and you'll probably laugh too when I tell you that Mum cut the end of Frodo's ear with scissors - producing a high pitched YELP!!! - and also gave him a big bald patch on his back.
Mum wrote it as a gift, but I don't think it was to him. While Mum was cackling away brandishing her implements of torture, Frodo was hanging his head gloomily, thinking "what have i done to deserve this...?"

And this is a picture of what he looked like when Mum was through with him. He looks like a scrawny victim to some terrible torture, or a "mangy hyena" as Dad called him.




5. Mum's walks can't really compare with Dad's long romps in the park and endless late-night strolls through the streets, whatever the weather, and hers include:

• Sometimes not letting him off the lead (which is probably why he took his opportunity to make a break for it at the riverside walk)
• NOT taking him places at night
• NOT enjoying going out in the rain
• NOT liking to take him to Armscroft park where all the big dogs are
• and finally, not paying attention and trying to drag him with all her strength when he's squatted down to do his business (which resulted in me yelling out, and Mum finding a very confused dog desperately waddling at the end of the lead.)

So, even though Mum loves him with all her heart, gives him treats and would probably let him get away with murder (which actually DID happen, when he killed our friends' guinea pig when we had lunch with them - he was VERY pleased with himself, we're embarrassed to say) when she asks him faithfully "Frodo, do you love me best in all the world?" what do you think he's saying to himself? You decide...